[Amanda]

I Moved from San Diego to Colorado to get away from problems with my family. I had been talking to this guy mike for about a year prior to moving to Colorado. When i finally made the decision to move to colorado because my ex sister in law had a job for me here Mike told me that he lived here too and wanted to see me and become friends and maybe more in the future. He flew to San diego to drive with me from there to Colorado. We had a great time making hte drive here and got to know eachother on a non internet level and got to know eachother more personally i guess.

He told me things about his past and I shared things with him they seemed to be going great. He told me that he got out of a 11 year relationship 2 years prior and he had 1 rebound after her and then we found eachother. At first we were friends with benefits but it moved to something else. He moved in with me and has been living with me for 7 months now. He didnt work becasue he had warrents out for his arrest for unpaid traffic violations (yes those are what they were becasue i paid for them and took him to court for them). Anyway after about 4 months he started telling me that he loved me but he wasnt ready for a relationship and still wanted to take things slow and thats the way its been since he tells me he loves me but then when we talk about things tells me that he dosnt want to be in a relationship casue hes jsut going to get hurt again.

Ive been taking care of him for going on 9 months now and am still getting told that he dosnt want to be in a relationship but he does everything that a boyfriend would do without saying he is my boyfriend including getting pissed off that other guys come on to me. We used to have sex regularly which was fine with me becasue im a VERY sexual person but even that has stoped it went from having sex every day to now im lucky if i get it once a week. Hes looking at porn and jacking off all the tiime but he dosnt want to have sex with me. We get into fights about it becasue i tell him if he wants to jack off then he should wnat sex too. I tell him how the porn makes me feel and he tells me he dosnt care hes not changing for another women again that thats what he does and ill just have to accept him for it.

It seems that fro the first 6 months everything was going good but i dont know what happened after that. I fell in love with him and im a very forgiving person and i do love him with all my heart but to me it seems he dosnt care about me. Do i need to give him a chance becasue i love him or do u think hes jsut using me becasue im providing everything for him and he has no intention of ever getting with me and actually having a real relationship

[marajade]

Hey, I feel for you. Stuff like that can be hard.
I completely understand how you feel, I got out of a three month relationship a couple of months ago and it still hurts when I think about it. It was sort of similar to your story.
Basically, I loved the guy I was with too, and that was the hardest part of me leaving him. But when a guy treats you like that, it shows he has no respect for you. He’s keeping you in his life for when he gets bored. I’m sorry to sound so harsh, but that’s what it sounds like to me. You’re putting time and energy into him and he doesn’t even want to admit you are in a relationship.
I think you should kick him out and leave him in the dust and move on with your life. Don’t settle at all. There is another man out there who will love you so much more than this guy can.
And another thing, I was in love with my ex too, but now after a few months, those feelings have left me. Sure, I’ll admit wanting to have attention from him at times, but he’s not worth it.
I hope I didn’t sound too harsh. But ditch the guy and go make something of yourself and enjoy life. yes, it’ll be hard to not have a man at your side. But you can do it. 😉

[April Masini]

He’s using you, and you’re not valuing yourself. Kick him out today, and let him live on his own. If he wants to woo you and try to date you once he’s got his own place, let him — but I sincerely doubt he’s interested in you that way any more He spotted a target in you on the internet, and honed in on you with great success. It’s time for you to start taking care of yourself, and that means find a boyfriend who treats you like a valued and respected woman. But until you get rid of this guy, you’ll never have that chance. Dump him today.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree. you must leave. I’m in a situation like yours except I’ve been with my guy for 2.5 years and he lost his high paying job back in june and I’ve been paying for everything. Then all of a sudden things changed. We use to talk about marriage and children but now we cant talk about that. The sex stopped, I take care of everything, we get in arguments over keeping the house clean, asking me for money to spend on stupid things, and he sits home while I work 3 jobs to make ends meet. I kicked him out tonight. I had enough. He should be wanting to provide for me not the other way around. i know if sounds very old fashion but If I’m doing all this work and he is not willing to put forth the effort to contribute then he doesn’t deserve someone as good as me. That’s how I feel about your situation. He knows how good he has it, but doesn’t want to commit to it but doesn’t want you to get the attention from another guy. Time for you to move on. kick him out. I know how hard that is, you’ll feel guilty, sad and go through all kinds of emotions. Time for you to leave him. You’ll feel great.

[April Masini]

Guest’s posting is a great story, but don’t expect to feel too good about a break up right away. You may feel heartbroken even though you’ve done the right thing. That heartbreak is the difference between not having reconciled doing the right thing with knowing in your heart that you did the right thing. When you finally understand that you can’t be with him and be in a healthy relationship, then you won’t hurt any more.

[Author]

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