Feeling disrespected and at fault?

[thatonegirl]

Hello, i’m 19 years old and would like some sincere,honest advice!
My relationship with my exboyfriend lasted a good 4 months, everything happened quick and I lost my virginity to him. He is the same age I am and he has no job, no car, and he didn’t make the effort to enroll in school this semester, so basically we would see eachother everyday(at his sister’s house) over the summer since i was on break and i got to meet the main part of his family and they all said they ‘loved me’. During the relationship his sister moved in 2 houses away from my own house. During that time he broke up with me for the first time because he said it just wasnt going to work and he felt that i was making him into a little bitch an he didnt love me anymore but a week later he said he missed me and that he wanted me back and because i love him i took him back. At first it was great but as days passed it took a toll on me because his sister(a stay at home mom with 2 kids that is financially supported by her husband) would always make my boyfriend/her brother do chores that I felt that she as a mother was responsible for (ex: he would constantly change diapers, make bottles, feed the baby, carry the baby around everywhere when out in public). It took a toll on me and irked me a lot because whenever me and my boyfriend were together (watching movies or hugging and talking) she would yell across the room asking for him to make the baby a bottle when she would just be sitting on the couch looking at her laptop. In my mind I honestly felt that he was being used and i even told him this “I understand that they are your family but things like that go overboard, you need to put yourself first”, but he just went on explaining that his sister and her husband have done a lot for him when he was younger and that they currently pay his phone bill, and i brought up that if he were independent and had a job none of this would happen. It stressed us both. He said that he would get his act together, get a job and be productive in something other than our relationship to make the relationship work. Well that didn’t work out to well and he kept being a baby sitter to his sister… During the last 2 weeks before the breakup I was just annoyed and kept saying that he needs to make somethign of himself for the better (my parents didnt approve that he wasnt doing anything currently) and that he hadn’t done anything to do something and kept saying that he was going to do something about it but didn’t. In my opinion I think his family started seeing me as a threat because i was obstructing them from ‘their child’ and his ‘responsibilites’ to take care of his nieces. He never knew what he wanted and never knew how to deal with things and finally he said he was breaking up with me (i believe that i was a great girlfriend,physically and mentally, despite our rough patches). He said he was sure of his decision but kept going back and forth that he loves me but didnt love me and was confused.I still couldnt wrap around my mind of the idea of him breaking up with me because i believe i was good to him in every way possible and even said you were the best damn gf any guy could have. Overall after all and all he said “can we still hangout?” and i said yes….That was the last time i talked to him and he went a week away to the country side of town at his parents house(no signal)… A week later i noticed he had returned to his sisters house because he was on facebook. I didn’t bother contacting him that whole week or that for the fact of not looking clingy or anything. After being online for a while i noticed he had deleted me from facebook and thats when i sent him a text asking him why he did that because i thought he wanted to be civil and be friends and i asked him if he despised me or anyhing and he said nope. He was giving very short answers and overall he was saying that he didnt care if we were friends and i went on to explain that i cannot wrap my mind around teh idea of his actions and that im not going to pressure him into being friends with me and that all i did was offer a helping hand if he ever needed one and he never responded to that text. I then talked to my friend Jacob who used to go to school with my exboyfriend and me when my ex boyfriend was going to school. I told him the whole situation and i asked him if he could get any info on my ex boyfriend because i always wanted to know why he was acting the way he did and acting careless/immature. Atlast my friend Jacob got into from my ex and this is what my ex told jacob and then jacob told me….
I just don’t have the energy to maintain a friendship with someone I don’t want anymore. I also don’t like exes knowing what I am up to you know. and my family hates her with a “PASSION”.
yeah. I honestly wish that she and I had never started dating because I am well an asshole and she is a bitch and we didn’t mesh.
She managed to piss off my parents and that is next to impossible. she just doesn’t know how to keep her opinions to herself and she is controlling and it pissed my family off I mean man my dad told me that I need to cut ties with that “cunt” my dad doesn’t use that kind of language so I took his words of advice to heart…

I read all of that and it automatically brought me to tears, I was DISGUSTED. I felt like they were just shit talking about me behind my back. I honestly dont believe i am none of those things mentioned and they just saw me as a threat and developed hate for me. If anything i believe his own family is controlling towards him, always telling him to take care of his sister’s own kids and not motivating him to do something with his life. It frustrated me massively to see that this was said by him and his family.Just because they are family doesn’t mean they are always right in my opinion. I felt that he might have been brainwashed by his alcoholic cussing father because prior to that week of him going to his parents, he said he still wanted to keep contact and that he wouldnt cut me off and never wanted to hurt me. I think it is just very low of a grown middle aged man whos a teacher to talk ill and use cuss words when refering to 19 year old, let alone someone whos a woman. He has now blocked me from facebook and jacob told me that my ex was going to another state where he has family to find a job because he just hates being in this town. (which i think is all talk and no do)…. Anyways all of this has stressed me out and I am trying to be strong and stay positive but its hard when his sisters house is just a few steps away from me and that my ex and his parents happen to be there a lot. How should I deal with all of this?

Thanks for the help, It would mean the world to me 🙂

[hsmith7113]

Guys are jerks! Especially teenage guys. Young guys often don’t know what they want. In my honest opinion, I think you should ignore him. If you see him outside, walk away. I know he hurt you by those things he said to your friend but, if he truly cared about you he wouldn’t let his family push him around.

Besides, you want a guy with a J.O.B and a car.

I think if he was staying with his sister for free, he should help out. Growing up, I always had a baby on my hip (not my kid) My family used it as a form of birth control.

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Author]

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