I have a problem , but don’t even know if I deserve to be heard. I have fallen in love with a married woman, and she has fallen in love with me. I can hear everyone laughing out loud at these clichés, but all I can do is state what’s happened.
She is in a dead marriage of 10 years, with a child of 10. It seems as if she was forced to marry by falling pregnant, or did it to do the right thing. She says her husband and her are more like friends now, they keep up appearances but she is not in love. She’s sad that she let it get this far, thinking things might get better early on in the marriage.
We have been seeing each for over a year now. All through this time I have felt feelings of guilt. Initially I said to myself that it was wrong but we needed to be sure about our feelings, so while we were getting to know each other it seemed ok to keep seeing each other. She is working on getting things done so she can leave on her own terms. She wants to be able to support herself and her child and is taking steps towards this. She has said her husband has said that he agrees there is no future, there is real sadness there but they both know it needs to be done.
My only problem is, my feelings of guilt have never gone away. Every time I tell her I feel bad, or we should hold off for a while, she overreacts and assumes I am tired of her, that the love is not real etc. She says things like, if I really loved her I would not be able to say things like “lets stop until you are separated”, because if I loved her I would not be able to bear being without her. My problem is every time I want to do the right thing, or what I think is the right thing, it must seem to her like I’m deserting her. But I never wanted to be the reason she left him, I wanted her to be doing that anyway, on her own. If I feel I am responsible for it in any way I couldn’t live with myself. She assures me that without me she would do it anyway, but this doesnt make me feel like I am not involved somehow. I risk losing her every time because it feels to her like I am leaving her, even if I try tell her that I will wait for her.
I’m really not sure what to do. She trivialises what I am doing, the thing that I feel is terrible, this cheating I am doing, it seems she doesnt believe it should be that big a thing. Or she feels that our love should be bigger than the guilt I am feeling.
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