Friend & lover

[moonwillow39]

I’m having an ethical dilemma. I have a person in my life that is a really great friend. We became best of freinds when he lived in New England for some time. We used to take day trips and spend alot of time together. It was really fun. It always remaind a platonic frienship. He finally decided to move back to Florida and got married. I didn’t hear from him for a long time because his wife was jealous of our friendship. Suddenly, last May, I received a message from my dad that he called looking for me. Evidently he got a divorce and wanted to re-connect. We’ve visited one another since then. He is also coming for a visit in July. We are going to Martha’s Vineyard for a couple of days.

My ethical dilemma is that I currently have a boyfriend. I know my heart belongs to my boyfriend, but I’m feeling guilty for having this friendship. I’ve told my boyfriend all about my friend. He is completely aware that we’ve visited one another and even drove me to the airport. I also told him of our plans in July and he is fine with that too. Now I need your advice. Should I feel guilty about having this friendship?

Moonwillow 39

[April Masini]

Guilt is a sign that something’s awry in your moral world. Your guilt is signaling you that you’re doing something that you don’t think is right. I can help you understand your feelings. 🙂

Since you’re not married, you’re free, and even obligated to make sure you’re with Mr. Right, if monogamy and/or marriage are your goals. So if you think this old friend is a possible Mr. Right for you and your current boyfriend isn’t, then it’s fair for you to date him. But make no mistake — that’s what you’re doing. You may not be kissing or having sex with this other guy, but he’s clearly interested in you, and knowing you’re not married, he’s making a play for you.

Your current boyfriend is probably of the mindset that if you belong to him, this other guy won’t be a threat, and that’s why he’s pretty calm (to you, at least) when you tell him you’re seeing this other guy. So, consider what you want in your life, and where your current boyfriend fits in. If you still want to explore, and if you’re fine knowing that at some point your boyfriend may turn the tables and want to see an old ex-girlfriend of his, then proceed with caution.

However, I think you’re going to find that this old ex-boyfriend will put the moves on you if he senses mutual interest, and that you will eventually have to make a decision that will allow you only one of these men in your life.

I hope that helps.

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