[JMG]

Ha! So I’ve posted a few of y’all’s situational dilemmas, and yet here I am with one of my own. (Shows you how much you should listen to my advice, huh?) Any and all comments would be welcome!!

So there’s this guy (imagine the wistful expression crossing my face just now)… We’ve been friends for a little over a year — he’s in my class at professional school. We’re a small group, and we take all of our courses together. This is our second year now in the program, and we’ll be together for 2.5 more years…including a joint move out-of-state. Anyway. I met him (obviously) last August…was somewhat interested/intrigued by Christmas break, but figured that a relationship would never work, he’s not really my type. Well, by the end of the school year, I was interested enough that if he would have asked me out, I would have said yes…I figured that we could probably have a very successful, happy dating relationship while in school, but I wasn’t sure how things would work when we graduated. Over the summer, however, we maintained contact, even though I was out-of-state for work/experiential learning and he even had a 3-week vacation on the other side of the country. He went to a wedding and another friend’s engagement party as my friendly “date” (though he didn’t know anyone else in attendance) — and by the middle/end of the summer, I was hooked…line and sinker. He even started calling/texting/IMing me 6 days out of the week for the last 3 weeks of the summer. We’d talk online while I was at work, and then he or I would call the other in the evening.

He had said that he wasn’t interested in dating in general during the school year (or even really dating until he was done with school) because he wanted to focus on his academics — he had to take a year off because he didn’t make it in the first time, and he was wait-listed for our class. However, he moved in to the house I was living in as the 5th roommate, and some of our roommates were making comments about how I liked him (they kind of picked up on the “vibe” — others had, too, though they thought it was mutual), so I figured that since we were living together, it’d be better if he heard it from me than just around. He took it rather well and said, then, in September, that if I was still interested, he would go on a date with me over the summer, but there were no guarantees, no promises, no expectations. He said that he couldn’t date me while living with me for moral reasons (which was completely understandable for me — we have very similar religious/personal/family values). He also said that I shouldn’t worry about matching my summer plans with his because distance would be no problem with him if something did develop. There were also some comments made about how I was the only girl in the class that he would consider dating (our class is 70% female) and that we shared a lot of the same values, etc., which is the most important basis for him when considering a relationship.

Well, a month or two later, my female roommate that I am very good friends with verbalized that she was rather upset with me, mostly because of jealousy over my friendship, etc. with this guy (our other roommate). He heard the tail end of the argument, not knowing that it was about him, and said that he wasn’t going to pick sides and hoped we could compromise/get over it (he also said that he was equally friends with both of us, though I know that’s not true…he is more “open” with me, and she doesn’t consider him a friend because she thinks he’s flaky and can’t be depended on). A week later, still hurting from the ordeal, I finally told him what it was all about — he sympathized, and has since made plans to move out (though none of us wanted him to or told him to). He also later had a conversation with me about how he thought things had been strained between us for weeks and he thought that things were unresolved from that conversation we had earlier in the year, and that he “didn’t want to lead me on”, that “we were very different people” and he hoped that that wasn’t what was getting in the way of me and my other friend/roommate. He also said that he wished that his friendship with me was more like the friendship he had with our other roommate (the one who was getting upset with me about him — by the way, she’s in a very committed relationship of 4+ years with a boyfriend she’s in love with, and the boyfriend is becoming really good friends with the guy I like…yeah…and our other male roommate had a crush on this female roommate and had asked her out last year (which she declined, since she was in a relationship), and is now dating her best friend…she’s not taking that well). Yeah. (He later said that he didn’t mean to say that…he didn’t want me questioning myself or our friendship, and that wasn’t what he meant…)

My typical MO is to pine over crushes…and to be incredibly good friends with the guy friends that I have “crushes” on…I’d say unrequited love, but I would also straightforwardly say that I know that I’ve not experienced romantic love in its fullest before, so I’m not entirely sure I know what love is. This guy has been more encouraging than other circumstances…but it seems like, at least for now, I’ve reached a road block. I don’t feel like it’s a “no” — more like a “not now”. I guess my question is, am I just deluding myself? Is there a chance for a romantic relationship here? If there is, is there anything I should do/could do to tip the scales that way (or shouldn’t do, to not tip them the other way…)? Does it sound promising to anyone other than the crazily hopeful, sappy romantic?? (I’ve got a mental catalog of things he’s said or done to support my hopeful position…except, on the other hand, there are examples to support the other argument, too…arghhhh….) By the way, he’s 25, and I’m 23, just so y’all know. He’s a city boy, I’m a country girl (part of the complicating factors). If you haven’t noticed, I could talk about this for hours — I’m sure there are a few of my friends who would heartily agree with that statement. So again, thoughts anyone?

[JMG]

Help?? Please?

[April Masini]

At first glance it would appear that there are several items to be addressed here, however there aren

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