[relationshipa1]

My G/F of two years is 26 and I am 25, for the most part we have had an active sex life but for the past few months it has been far and few between.
Now I work in a Job that until i can work my way back to a local facility, I have to be away for days, sometimes weeks at a time. If I am home for only two days or four days I would like to have sex with her however she is either too tired or not interested. I know she is the only nurse on at the doctors office right now do to the other one quitting and the new hire has to finish her classes so she has been working 8 am till 6-7 pm but I feel she has a problem with our sex.
Now out of the last Two and a half months we have had sex three-four times when I’m home and one of those times she just wasn’t interested. When I talk to her about it she gets mad at me and thinks I am unsatisfied in our relationship and want to leave her and I think she hates our sex and may wander even though she says our relationship is fine and wants to get married.
I don’t know how to approach our sex life anymore, I want sex a couple times when I finely get home and she only want to do it once, twice a month anymore. Here excuse while mad at me was the tired, our sex interest don’t match (she masturbates when I’m gone because that’s when she is interested) and she seems i have a problem with her wait gain (but she thinks she is getting fat and ugly not me. Also she hates giving head anymore, she won’t talk about masturbating to me or let me watch, she tends to just lay there anymore, other then an occasional her riding(her only way to get off), and doesn’t like me to masturbate her because I don’t know the spot (she doesn’t help guide either though).
So Please help me! I think sex is overrated but still love to have sex with her and want her to gain more interest and become more open in talking about it without making this ruin a otherwise great relationship.

[April Masini]

Sex is important in a relationship — especially one where the two of you are in your 20s and should be very vital. I don’t think your sexual needs as you wrote about them are unreasonable at all. But you’re right that something is wrong. So here’s my advice:

Stress can make any person lose their sex drive. It can make them sick, physically. It can wreak havoc on a relationship. Your girlfriend’s long working hours in a stressful medical job may be to blame for her lack of interest in a sexual relationship with you. It doesn’t sound like she’s willing to change her hours, so you’re going to have to change your behavior to see if she will change hers in response.

If there is something she really likes or wants that you don’t give her normally or ever, this might be a good time to consider what I call “deals” that people in relationships make to facilitate a compromise. If your girlfriend loves jewelry or flowers or exotic meals at exclusive restaurants — whatever it is she covets — this may be the time to show up with a gift that she isn’t expecting. She may be so wowed by your generosity that she reciprocates in turn.

Sometimes women begin to feel taken for granted, and if you can show her how much you want and appreciate her, you may just breathe fresh air into the relationship and revive your sex life that way. It’s a great tool for husbands who are in long term relationships where sex drives ebb and flow over decades. Giving a partner or a spouse something they really want that you wouldn’t normally give them, may make them feel appreciated and appreciative — and generous in return!

My next suggestion is that you’re in rut sexually after two years, and you need to seduce her rather than expect her to service you. Check out my book, Romantic Date Ideas, by clicking on the link at the top of the page that says Dating Advice Books, and then scroll down until you see the book. It’s $14.95 and you can order it online. It has lots of different scenarios that you can’t set up yourself to set the mood for a sexy evening (or afternoon — morning!). It’s a cheap fix, so you’d be wise to get the book and read it. (It’s not too long!)

Your girlfriend’s weight gain at her age is a warning light that she’s depressed and/or not taking care of herself. She may feel embarrassed about her weight gain, and this isn’t going to make her feel sexy. You sound like you’re sensitive and encouraging when you tell her how beautiful she is and that she’s the one you want to have sex with, so there’s not a lot more you can do to help her lose the weight. This is something she’s going to have to figure out on her own. My guess is that she’s exhausted from her long hours and stressful job and doesn’t make time to take care of herself beyond sleeping and eating — which would lead anyone to overeat and gain weight. If you can talk to her without judgment or blame about her schedule and lifestyle, she may find the energy within herself to change her own ways and become healthier and more careful with her body and her self. Ultimately, she would be wise to make herself a priority — not her job.

Don’t give up — there’s a lot you can try to make the days you are home from your own job and with your girlfriend, an oasis, and a sexy one at that.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much April for the advise

However I have to ask:
Saterday we had my brothers wedding and both had many drinks on the dance floor she had started dancing (grinding) with this one guy she new from back in the day but also with a few other guys. Well by the time we got taken home I had made a coment about it being inapropriate to have another guy all up like that. Well she saw it as she was just having a good time, everyone was drinking and I am calling her a slut.

Now am a wronge with not liking a guy grinding with my girl, or should I just let it go to “having a good time” I mean to her it seemed like that is exeptable. How should a approch this again without getting in the fight we did that night.

[April Masini]

You are not wrong at all to dislike seeing your girlfriend grinding up against guys while dancing at a wedding reception. But since she doesn’t see it as wrong, it’s important to approach the subject delicately rather than telling her she’s wrong and you want her to change her behavior.

What you can say, or riff off of is something like, “I feel really jealous when I see you grinding up against guys on the dance floor. I know you’re just having a good time, but I think the guys may take it the wrong way — not just the ones you’re dancing with, but the people watching. Would you dance like that with me, privately, instead of in public? You looked really sexy, and I want that attention from you for myself — I don’t want to share it.”

That way you can acknowledge how sexy she is, because she was obviously having a good time expressing herself, rather than make her feel ashamed of the behavior. You can also explain to her that it’s[i] other people[/i] who may get the wrong impression, rather than blaming her for being so outgoing on the dance floor. Do you see how this takes the blame out of the issue, and suggests options rather than just having her stop doing it, altogether?

Next, I would really take advantage of this dirty dancing hobby she seems to enjoy, and set up your own private nightclub at home for a date night of dirty dancing between the two of you! It might be a great way to spice things up and give her an outlet for her sexy dancing fetish!

[Anonymous]

Thanks April for all of the advice!

[April Masini]

You bet! Let me know how things go.

[Author]

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