[modernrapunzel]

I met a man two months ago and we have been on four dates. We had sexual intercourse previously and it was not a problem. After Thanksgiving I was invited to sleep at his apartment and go see an exhibit at an art museum in New York City. I told them that I would let him know if I were to sleep over or not on the day that we met for the date. I brought my car into the city and since the relationship was relatively new I did not want to put any pressure on him. While we were at the museum I told him that I did want to sleep over but that I had my period and I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. He had no problems with me having my period and said that we would just be limited in what we could do sexually. In the morning my period was gone on and I had told him this. I asked if he had wanted to have sex since we had been up all night fooling around and he had never gotten any relief. That’s not exactly what I told him but that was what I was feeling. Not only did we have sex but afterwards he went down on me which was a little awkward for me. I then told him that it was time for me to get dressed and leave and he said he would come with me to get my car which was a $20 cab ride which he paid for. As we were walking to the restaurant we saw a farmers market and he asked me if he wanted to go and walk around it before we went in to breakfast and I of course said yes. During breakfast he asked me what my schedule was like during the week and if he could sleep at my house and if I could sleep at his house and what time he or I would have to get up to get to make it to work on time. He also went on to explain that he had gone to a show that he had wished he had gone to with me instead of the friends he had gone with. Bear in mind I don’t know any of his friends. I gave him every alternative to stop seeing me that evening and in the morning when I got out of bed and even when we got up to my car before we went into breakfast. After the date I never heard from him again. I did not try to contact him but he never called. He appeared so interested and made me believe that he wanted to see me in the future. I realize I’ve been ghosted but I am in so much emotional pain from this I want to understand why he led me and ghosted me. Itis so distasteful. I’m hoping you can help me out with the answer. Thank you

[April Masini]

The bottom line is that he has bad manners, and you’re better off without someone like that. Why he ghosted you is a mystery, and you can wrack your brains, but from what you describe in your post, it’s not you — it’s him. The only thing I can try and remind you is that the first three months of dating someone are typically used to get to know each other and to assume that he’s playing the field (and for him to assume the same about you). In other words, you shouldn’t assume a commitment. Lots of people, both men and women, think that having sex with someone assumes a commitment, and it doesn’t. It assumes sex. All that said, there was no reason in the world for him not to let you know in a very kind way that he was a) not interested any more or b) had reconnected with an ex and wanted to give that relationship a go or c) forgot he’s married — whatever it was, he should have been polite enough to say something.

I’m glad you didn’t invest more than you did. Next. 😉

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