He ended things with mixed emotions…Is there any hope?

[tee88]

Hi everyone,

My bf of a year ended things with me 2 weeks ago.
He is 24 and I am 22.
When we met we said we weren’t interested in relationships. I was at uni and he was working, we lived about an hour and a half apart but after a few months of dating I said I wanted more.
We got into a relationship, he told me it was because he was crazy about me and had it been anyone else he would have run.
I have always known his career comes first.
He wants to travel and work abroad and he is actively pursuing the possibilities.

We had a great relationship, after his crazy ex (2 years before me) I could do no wrong. We went travelling to India together this summer and he would always tell me how incredible I was and how since our very first date he knew it was fate.
He broke his phone recently and I told him to get the new iPhone, he laughed and said he couldn’t commit to a 24 month contract because he didn’t where in the world he’d be by then…I suppose this should have rung alarm bells.

I graduated 3 weeks ago and moved home, a further 2 hours away from him.
I brought this up while we were away this summer and he kissed me and told me it changed nothing. I felt secure.

Then 2 weeks ago out of the blue after a minor agruement about my birthday (we never, ever agrue, but had argued worse than this before) he text me saying he thought I was incredible, ‘the most amazing girl he’s ever known’ but that he doesn’t see how we can keep this relationship with such different goals.
I need to be in London for my career and he wants to work abroad before settling back in the UK.

I was so shocked, the next night he called me and apologised for the bday argument and I told him it was irrelevant considering what he was about to do.

The confusing conversation went like so:

Me: Just say what you have to say.
Him: I don’t want to.

Me: you want to end this so say it, I need to hear you tell me it’s over.
Him: I can’t.

Me: you don’t want me anymore, so say it.
Him: I do want you! Just because I’m doing this it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You are the most incredible girl I’ve ever met.

Me: don’t you dare say that. Tell me there’s no future and no hope for us ever and this is it
Him: I can’t say that.

This carried on for a while.
Finally I told him he’d obviously made up his mind even if he couldn’t say it…we can’t be friends, so lets just leave it, it’s done. and asked him please don’t mess me around.
and I said Goodbye.
waited he said nothing.

Me: you can’t even say goodbye to me?
Him: I can’t.

I hung up.
He texted me saying I’m seriously amazing, but that there are just so many things he needs to do by himself right now and that he’s sorry.

I didn’t reply and we have had no contact since.
I can’t help shake the feeling we are ‘meant to be’…we were so compatiable and for someone so emotionally useless he used to say what an amazing “connection” we had (then look awkward and laugh)!

I don’t know how to proceed from here! any advice would be great, thank you! x

[April Masini]

You need to move on. The relationship ended because you have different life goals right now. The mixed emotions are normal — but they’re not impediments to the break up. Neither one of you did anything wrong. And you’re not bad people. In fact, I’m sure you both think there are wonderful parts of each other — but that’s not enough to make a relationship compatible and long lasting.

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