He ended things with mixed emotions…Is there any hope?

[tee88]

Hey everyone,

So my now ex bf and I met last year, he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I said the same.
We dated for a few months and dispite living about an hour and half apart we became besotted.
I was at uni and he worked, we were both always so busy but saw each other as often as possible.
After a few months I said I wanted more, but said I understood if he didn’t because he’d been clear from the start.
He said he had realised he wanted to be with me so he wanted a proper relationship, and that if it had been anyone else he would have run.
He was reluctant at relationsips because he’s a very driven person and his career is definitely the main focus of his life.
I know he wants to work aboard for a few years while is still young (only 24, I’m 22), but ultimately wants to settle back in the UK.

But he always told me I was the most amazing girl he’s ever met, I was the exact opposite of his ex (2 years before me) who made his life hell with constant accusations and threats. He told me he was actually depressed when he was with her.
I was never demanding, so relaxed and we pretty much had a perfect relationship.

We even went to India together this summer, where he broke his phone I told him to get the new iPhone and he just laughed and said he couldn’t commit to a 24 month contract because he didn’t know where in the world he’d be by then…I suppose this should have rung alarm bells!

I met his friends recently, they loved me and he seemed so happy and proud to be with me.

I knew after I graduated I would be moving home and looking for work in London, a further 2 hours away from him.
We talked about it, I got upset, he told me I was being silly and that it changed nothing- it was just annoying.
I felt secure.

I moved home, he helped me pack and move. Everything was fine.
Then 2 weeks ago I asked him what we were doing for my birthday, he said he had ‘a lot on’ and he didn’t know.
I never ever get angry and we never fight, but I was understandably upset.
He got weird and text me saying he didn’t know if he could do the long distance any more.

The next day he rung and said sorry he should have organised something, I knew he was going to end it so I said that’s all pretty irrelevant considering what you’re about to do, so just say what you have to.
His response; I don’t want to.

I said you want out, I need to hear you say it’s over.
His repsonse: I can’t.

I said he didn’t want me anymore so to just say it.
His repsonse: I do want you, just because I’m doing this it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.

I told him don’t you dare say that. We can’t be friends, don’t mess me around, you’ve made up your mind so let’s just leave it. It’s over.
We’re done…GOODBYE.

I waited, he said nothing. I said you can’t even say goodbye to me?
His response: I can’t.
I’ve never heard him sound so upset.

I hung up.
Then he text me saying, he’s sorry he’s being so selfish but there are just so many things he needs to do by himself right now, but that I really am truly incredible.

I didn’t reply.

I know he wants to be free to make the decisions he needs to about moving abroad without having me to consider.
I don’t want to stand in his way, but I’m so lost.

I don’t know what to do. We have had no contact since that night. I go through times when I’m furious he’s being so selfish and didn’t even give me the closure I needed. But then I know how special what we had was. I can’t shake the feeling we are ‘meant to be’ but what can I do.

I won’t beg, and I am toying with further no contact or a message…
I don’t know if he’ll contact me because I told him not to and he’ll be worried at my reaction.

I know he will reply to me, but I don’t really know what to say. Something about us not becoming strangers…because I don’t really think this is the end for us and should we want to reunite one day I want him to know he can contact me without fear.

Any advice would be amazing…sorry the post is so long! X

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

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