Hi,
I am new to this, but I really need some other people views on how they would feel and indeed act if they were in the same situation. Unfortunatly it is causing a huge rift between me and my partner and I think it is up to me to try and fix it. Please excuse the novel but I hope to get both sides to the story into this for a fair opinion:
My partner is going over at Christmas for 2 weeks on holidays to catch up with his child who is currently on an extended holiday with his ex. This holiday was booked before we were together, but I did know about it because we had been friends prior and had hung around quite alot beforehand. However, I am now on the scene and admit that I am finding it very hard to be excited and happy for him, when he is going to stay for 2 weeks with a girl that he is just “friends” with, but has slept with on a few occasions and had intentions of trying to have a relationship at one stage but she didnt want to. They have been good friends for many years and she has been there for him through a lot. They keep in contact regularily, although perhaps not so much now as he is aware that I feel uncomfortable. He ends his phone calls with I love you, to her. But does so infront of me. He has not ever hidden any phone calls or communications. Has his calls in front of me.
I just feel very uncomfortable with the situation because I guess, I wouldnt ever put him in that situation. And although I understand the holiday was booked before I was there, I am here, and he is spending that time over there with her and not me. I guess it must seem like a trust issue here, but I honestly dont even sit there and think… ooh he is going to do something with her… it is purely…. I feel really upset and left out because he is going to be having a holidays and spending time with her, spending christmas day with her, but not me. He did ask me to go over with him but I cant for christmas because I have the kids and logically it is too hard. He asked though during arguements and I of course feel he is only asking because I was upset. He also said, after we first got together, that WOW now he is going over there as a tourist now… that has always stuck with me, because I wonde what it was that he thought he was going over there in the first place for??? But he cant answer that. He said he doesnt really know why he said that.
I am basically ruining the relationship becaseu every time she calls I get upset. This last time I had dealt with another of his “friends
emailing him and bsically saying how upset she is that he is moving on. It just seems constant. BUT these are not his doing either. He is open and always tells me about it so why am I getting so upset????? What on earth can I do to make this better for him and me before I push him away. This trip is a trip in a lifetime for him, and I am happy for him, just really sad that it has to be with him sepdning time with her, but do I have a right to be upset about that? What can I do?
.
