He said he didn’t want a relationship but now…?

[dancermelp]

So starting in April this year, I was in college, this guy started talking to me, and we really hit it off and he was really into me. We both live in different states, so it was kind of bad timing, since we were both going back home for the summer in May, but he insisted that we continue to stay “together” even though we weren’t official. We both thought it was a little too soon to make anything official just yet.

We continued to talk throughout the entire summer and we were both loyal to each other and once a month we’d visit each other. He told me that he wanted a serious relationship with me, but that he wanted to wait til fall, because we were both still distant from each other (location wise). Finally school was starting and when we came back, he called me over to come meet his mother and I spent the entire afternoon with them.

Everything was going very well, until about ten days later, (a little over 4 months after he first asked me out on a date), he said that even though he still likes me, he wasn’t sure that he wanted a relationship because he had a lot of work going on this semester and that he wanted to still actually be friends. I was completely heartbroken, but I had no choice but to accept it and we continued to be friends…we’d always ask each other for help and we’d still talk, especially since we have almost all our classes together. He told me that he saw me getting with other guys before he’s with other girls, just because he knew that I wanted and was ready for a relationship and that he wasn’t and that he generally sucks at relationships.

Then a week after that, I guess I kinda convinced him to let me come over to his place, and we both hooked up. A week after that we hooked up again, and it was really great. And he would still kiss my forehead and cuddle with me a lot. I asked him if he was interested in or talking to anyone else, and he said no. I told him that I liked him, and he said that he liked me too, and he gave me a list of reasons why he liked me as well. He also mentioned that night that he was going to visit a friend in a state 7 hours away in a couple of weeks.

A week after our last hookup (which was mid-September), he texted me telling me that he heard that I was talking to my ex again and he completely blew up about saying that I bs-ed him about not being able to get over him soon. I told him that there was no truth to whatever he heard (there really wasn’t) but he said he was still done with whatever was going on between us.

However, he continued to be playful with me and showed signs that he still had something for me and showed little things that he cared…like waiting for me after class, wondering if I was showing up to class or not if he didn’t see my car, etc. One time I went to party and I ended up getting super drunk and apparently someone at that party told him everything that happened. And he confronted me about twice saying how he heard alll about the party and what I did and stuff…even though it really wasn’t any of his business.

Then towards the end of October, I was at my friend’s place who lives right next door to him. And he must have noticed my car or heard my voice, because he immediately texted me asking if he wanted us to hang out with him tonight as he’s having people come over. I said sure but when I asked him about details, he was very vague. My friend and I had baked cookies, so he told me to come over and that he wanted cookies too. So I went next door and it was just him and his roommate and his best friend hanging out. We made brief small talk, I gave them the cookies, and just left. It was just really random and odd because he said he was planning on having a bunch of people over when it was just the three of them. He later texted me that night saying good night.

Then a few days later, in class, he asked me what I was doing later tonight, and told me to come over and bring a friend along if I wanted. Again he was vague about the details, and he didn’t contact me later about it, so I just decided to let it go, because I didn’t want to seem desperate just running to him, every single time I get the opportunity to.

Then less than a week after that, (a couple days ago) his facebook status is changed to “in a relationship” and a couple minutes later it was with the friend that he had visited earlier. Apparently she had come up to visit him too the weekend before for Halloween and he posted some pictures of them in costumes…they were just sitting on the couch putting there arms around each other – so it wasn’t super romantic, I mean if someone saw the pictures by itself, you wouldn’t necessarily automatically assume they’re a couple.

And this guy…he kind of does have an ego, he is really good looking and he is aware of it, (not trying to sound conceited by any means here) but I’m just as goodlooking as he is if not more, I just don’t flaunt it the way he does. And he just always seemed like that kind of guy that would want a girl who’s really goodlooking too. But this girl is really simple…and I promise I’m not trying mean, I’m not just saying this because I’m jealous or because she’s with the guy that I want. It’s just weird because I could look at his ex-girlfriends and see what he had seen in her, and I would give them credit that they are kinda cute together…but these two just seem to make such an odd pair…

…It just hurts and confuses me because the reason why we ended whatever we had was because he didn’t have time for a relationship with anyone. And he always said that he wasn’t into long distance relationships. So..how in a month and half’s time was he able to stop having feelings for me, and develop strong enough feelings for someone else and be in a relationship with them already? Should I talk to him about it? It just kills me that he moved on super quickly and that it only took a month and half for a relationship to form with this girl….and I had to wait for almost 5 months, and just got no for an answer.

[April Masini]

No, don’t talk to him about this. The bottom line is that he’s not into you any more. He’s found someone else to date, and I know you’re hurt, but trying to get an explanation from him is a mistake. Instead, [i]be grateful[/i] that you don’t have to waste time barking up the wrong tree — and by that, I mean you don’t have to invest energy in someone who clearly isn’t interested in what you are. Take this situation and use it to your benefit…. to let go of him, and move forward to find Mr. Right. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

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