[hesangmymelody]

My bestfriend/boyfriend of almost 6 years broke up with me. We had a deep stressful conversation a couple of nights before about how we were both going to work on fixing the things that we needed to fix in our relationship, and just be bestfriends for awhile until we did. He said he needed to fall in love with me all over again. Then a few days later i tried to text him and he replied that he was better off on his own, then didnt want to reply to anything i said for almost an hour. Finally he told me that he needed some space, and to leave him alone for a little bit until he gets a hold of me. I havent tried talking to him for ten days now. Now it appears that he has someone new. After i told him i didnt want to be just friends cuz i was afraid he would run to someone else. I think he is happy ,and that is what i want for him, but it doesnt seem right that he has someone else and thats what hurts the most.I think he would be happier with me. I think it might be a show.He has known me a lot longer, years. He told me before that he loved me and couldnt love anyone else like he loves me and that he wanted us to work but it just hurt him so bad that he felt he was carrying me on his back, he was actually crying, and he isnt the type to cry easily. We havent seen eachother in over 3 months due to his work and me stubborn and feeling like my family cant live without me ( he lives about 30 minutes away and i have to babysit my neice 5-6 days a week, cuz my dad cant handle it by himself). I have realized that he was right about being friends, and i want him to know that thats what i want. Maybe if we stay friends, we can work this all out. I want him to know that i need to focus on myself for awhile, but i want to be friends and hangout. His friendship is so important to me. We were eachothers first. And he made a vow not to have sex again until marriage. I want to do the same. I would not give that gift to someone else . He is the only one for me. We thought we were going to get married someday.. He told me that he knows we will end up together in the end. I am working on myself and making myself a better person so i am eventually able to be the one who makes him happy. Is it too early to call him or should i continue waiting? He is stubborn and knows that i wont give up that easily no matter what and im afraid he wont call because he doesnt think i can be my own person. Thats why i want to be friends and show him. I know we will get that spark back if we hangout again, because we havent seen eachother in so long. When should i call? And what should i say , especaily if i get the voicemail? I want him to know that I want God in the center of us , whenvever we do be together again. He is very close to God and has always wanted the same for me, and i feel like this time apart has opened my eyes to that, and doing the things that i need and want to do. He always said he wanted God to be the center of our relationship, and im ready for that after we get to know eachothes wants and needs bit better. What should i say? or should i wait for him?

[April Masini]

[i]Don’t call him.[/i] That’s my first piece of advice. I know it’s hard for you not to, but you’re broken up, and he’s moved on with someone else. Regardless of what you think, he’s not calling you, and he’s not dating you. He’s with someone else and you have to accept that in order to find some peace in your own life.

[i]Stop fooling yourself.[/i] That’s my second piece of advice, and it may be harder to do than the first piece of advice. Forget about what he said, and focus on what he does. You can tell a lot by a person’s behavior, and way less so by their words. And when their words and behavior don’t coincide, always trust a person’s behavior.

If you want to make a chastity vow for yourself, then do it, but don’t fool yourself into making a mutual vow with him. I can guarantee you he’s having sex with his new girlfriend, and is not going to give you a vow of chastity until marriage while he’s falling for someone new. Any vow of chastity until marriage the two of you made before he met his new girlfriend is off. You’d be fooling yourself to consider he’s still abiding by that.

When you and your boyfriend broke up after 6 years, and he said he needed to fall in love with you all over again, he was half right. What he meant is that he wanted to fall in love all over again. As it turns out, it’s with someone else, and he’s fine with that. When you said you didn’t want to be just friends because you were afraid he would run to someone else, you were half right. He was going to run to someone else, and you sensed it deep down. You thought that by being “best friends” you could prevent his moving on. That doesn’t work. When two adults break up, it’s really in their best interests to move on and date other people. If after doing so, they find they’ve made a mistake, then they’ve done so on their own terms, and they can try and rectify the mistake. So, maybe, one day in the future, you’ll get a phone call from him wanting to get back together — but more likely, you won’t.

I’m so sorry for being harsh with you, but when you describe your relationship and your problem, it’s so clear to me that you’re trying to hold on to someone and something that isn’t yours any more. I would advise you to heal your heart by taking care of yourself (eating, sleeping and exercising well), and spending time with supportive family and friends who want the best for you. It’s normal to have very hurt feelings after a 6 year relationship ends. But you have to pick yourself up and move on. There are many wonderful men out there who are waiting to find you, so consider dating again, and when you’re ready, go out there and let Mr. Right know you’re available!

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