help…

[hsmith7113]

I’m 27 years old, currently living with my boyfriend of 3 years. We have children through previous relationshipsMine live with us and he visits his on a regular bases.

We’ve been having problems since April. I found out he was going on dating sites and talking to other women. He has on his profiles he’s single. He periodically talks to his ex gf (not the one with the child) and he sends her personal pictures of himself. When I found out, I talked to him not civilly, I was irrate! Since then my trust went downhill, I find myself going through his phone every so often. I decided I needed to.pick my battles before I lost him so, if I found anything I didn’t say anything else. About 2 months ago, his libido stopped, but he looks at porn every morning before work, while he’s at work and any free time he has away from home (he likes to hunt)
Going through his phone earlier, I found that he started another up another dating site. I have never in 3 years turned him down. I don’t know why he would need to sign up for getlaidinhours.com
How do I handle this? How do I bring it up? What do I even say? I can’t think straight to get my feelings together.

[April Masini]

It sounds like he’s making it very clear that he’s got an extra-curricular sex life and possibly romantic life going on outside your relationship with him. And it sounds like you have brought it up with him, and that didn’t help. He’s cheating for a reason. Either he’s someone who’s always cheated, and this is a chronic part of his personality that you can’t change, or else there’s a problem in the relationship and he’s not feeling the way he wants to feel in his relationship with you. I know you write that you never turn him down for sex, but that’s not the same as making him feel desired and respected and even worshipped. Re-think the way you behave with him. Can you make him feel better about himself in the relationship? Are you willing to? If not, he’s not going to stay with you. 😳

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[hsmith7113]

Thank you.
I know there are things that we both could do to better our time together.
He says that the talking to other women is purely innocent. He says that I’m not doing anything wrong, and he loves me and wants to be with me.
I don’t have a choice to like it or not. I don’t know if I should bring it up to him or not because of what happened last time. Everything was blown way out of proportion and it wasn’t very nice. The things he said to me then still float in my mind on occasion.
When he did it before, I just got custody of two of my kids. I had to quit my job because I coukdnt afford child care, my youngest is 3. So, all of the bills were on him. He was under stress. Now, we just moved to another house to be closer to were he works so it won’t be so hard on him. I know that the move was hard because we had such a short notice to get out. I think I’m not going to bring anything up, and work on my actions towards him more more and see how that goes.

[April Masini]

Good luck.

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