HELP!! BF/EX making a desicion about our relationship

[mercedes2222]

Help!! So to make this short and simple, I dated a guy John for a long time, got out of the relationship due to having feelings for a friend of mine Chris. I was not completly ready to jump into a relationship with Chris, but i did anyways, because Chris was pressuring me at that time. We had a very rocky start. I wasn’t completly over my ex John and had contacted him a few times in the very beginning, Chris found out, got very mad but gave me second chances. As time progressed I slowly started having stronger feelings for Chris, yet Chris was very immature in the relationship world as this was his first real relationship. He would ignore for me a couple of days if he was mad, and even though he was “in love with me” i told him that was not okay to do. Long story short he pushed me away a few times, i had a dumb moment of reaching out to my ex boyfriend John trying to see if he wanted to get back together only through an email a while ago. I never really wanted that I think i was just at a low point. Anyways, as time passed i knew i was completly over John, he was no good for me and that i really was in love with Chris. The entire beginning of Chris and I’s relationship he treated me wonderul. He, I believe was in love with me. Things betweeen us had been pretty good, until he went through my email and found that old email i had written John. Needless to say Chris broke up with me, told me he was done forever, he would never trust me again and i was out of chances.

I practically begged him to listen that it was a dumb low mistake and i would not have ever followed through with that even if John had wanted to get back with me. (John did contact me after that email but i told him iwas in a relationship etc) Chris wouldn’t listen told me to leave him alone and he had been in love with me, but at this point he was sick of getting hurt and didn’t have any desire to be with me anymore. I cried for two weeks straight. We were at the point of almost moving in together. I profusly apologized to him, told him i would do whatever it took to build back his trust, he just kept saying no. Then i said i needed closure if this was going to be his descion, he said he owed me nothing and didn’t need closure. The next day he said he would come by for a couple minutes to let me say what i had to say. He came by i told him i loved him wanted to marry him, made a dumb horribel mistake wanted to do whatever it took blah blah blah..he said fine, call john and tell him that you dont love him and you have no feelings for him. I said okay i will if you give me another chance. He said no way , you have had many chances. Then about 5 minutes later i said something about how i had been depressed before which i had, and i wasn’t really over John until these past few months and had relaly opened myself up to him 100%, and went on and on. He said “well i hope you dont expect an answer at this very moment do you?”

I was a litle suprised he even thought about it, which calmed me down a little, i said no i just want you to think about it. and told him i was in love with him and wanted to be with him, he said he had to go home and do hw..etc.
Thats how it ended.. Aweek went by. I have not called or anything and neither has he.Im completley in love with him and have no feelings for anyone but him and have told him everything i can possibly say. I even sent him a quote about trust and letting go of past mistakes that people make and the only hurt one causes is not letting go of the past hurt and giving that person another chance of love. I dont want to be annoying, needy, but i also dont want thim to think i dont care. Since he found the email its been three weeks. Im not really sure if hes thinking about things, or if he just said that to get me to be quite(which i dont think is the case) or what hes doing) but i believe in my heart he knows what he is going to do. well I ended up calling him today and we talked briefly i told hime everything again, and he said no way could he ever trust me again, and that we was always there for the first year 100%, and i wasn’t. He wont be burned anymore. He said he didnt’ want to go through never trusting me because he wouldn’t..he woudl question everything. I told him trust could be built back if you let it, and that i would let me him have access to whatevre he needed etc,..he kept saying no. I can’t lose him. He said no. I can’t beg either. We are meeting tomorrow to say good bye..and i have said every possible thing to him. I said do you even have feelings for me anymore, he said yes, but im not in favor of another chance because you have had chances, named the times i messed up in the beginning, which was when i had just gotten out of the long relationsnhip and wasn’t ready…and said no trust no relationship and wasn’t willing to have to go through not trusting me and putting himself in that situation and that i had pushed him away.

[rdtravis]

I am assuming that you if not both of you are Ither still in High School or early college. Hun It sounds like you both are still young enough to find the one right person. I just dont think that would be with each other. I have seen guys like “Chris” enough to know he is still too immature to be in that kind of serious relationship. I think it sounds like he was really wanting to break it off with you but was waiting for and looking for a reason to end it that wouldn’t reflect badly on him. Also he broke into your email (which by the way is illegal) to look for reasons to end it. He found it. I have to say Get over it he wasn’t the right one for you. Put it past you and move on. There will be other guys out there. In time you will find that one mister right, trust me you will know it when it happens. I did. I can tell you it just will not be with “Chris” at least not at this time. Not unless he does a lot of growing up real fast.

[April Masini]

You’re making relationships mistakes left and right, and you need to give yourself a BIG time out! 😮

First of all, you should NEVER propose marriage to a man. Second of all, you should NEVER chase a man. These things rarely work in a relationship, and you’re seeing this first hand. Men want to be the ones doing the chasing and the proposing. You take these opportunities away from them when you co-opt them, and you make the men feel like lesser humans. 😳 I’m sure that’s not what you intended, but you were too desperate 🙄 to think straight. And desperation is never an attractive quality.

You bounced from one long term relationship into another without having time to heal, and so you did your healing from within the second relationship. This negatively impacted the relationship. It also impeded your good judgment. Chris is not Mr. Right for you, but you’re too emotionally clouded to see that right now.

You need to take yourself out of all relationships right now and focus on healing yourself from your break ups. Then you really, really need to read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will be your dating bible — you should take the advice in it seriously so you don’t make the same mistakes you made here, again.

You’ll get over your hurt and you will heal, but not if you throw yourself into another relationship with Chris, John or any other guy, too soon. Take a few months off and take care of YOU! 😀

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