Help decipher "MIXED SIGNALS"

[RitaluvsPeter]

Hi April, we have spoken before and I got your book.. My question is can you help decipher his mixed signals?
We always have a costume party on holloween, my Ex boyfriend and I have been apart only 3 weeks and he began kissing another woman at the party. There really was not to much “togetherness” between them though. But I also believe that he has “slept” with this woman within the past 3 weeks. Anyway, of course It KILLED me to see this, but I handled to Beautifully! Basically ignored the intire situation with them. At the latter part of the evening, and what Im sure was a few many “drinks” he cornered me, griped me tight professed to me he is still very much inlove with me, and doesnt want to loose me. He said inbetween all the “squeezing and kissing” he wants to try to make it work. This actually happend 3 seperate times in that one night the 3 time being more than 10 minutes long, and I insisted he refrain from this behavior as it was “disrespectful” to the other woman. He said (and I quote) “I dont care, I dont love her, I am in love with you” he made no attempt to hide his actions regarding our imbraces, it was right there for all to see, including her. Then the next day was completly different. He paid little attention to me. PLEASE April, I am in my early 40’s and have no Idea what this means at all.

[relationshipadvice]

Hello, I think I can jump in and try to help you our on this one because I believe this is a question that needs a guy’s point of view.

First of all there’s no mixed signals here and it’s just an illusion that you want to believe because you probably still have feelings for this guy.

What really happened is that when guys are drinking and are at a party they tend to want to act like they’re superman and do what ever they can get away with. This is clearly just the alcohol talking and it means nothing. He probably has a history with you and of course that accounts for some feelings but in reality he was probably hoping to get lucky with you that night. This is the reason why he said he still likes you and wants to make it work, he thought that by saying those words it would give him access to you that night. Of course the next day he was sober again and he was back to reality and continued going along with his life like nothing happened. Probably regretting doing everything he did the night before.

As far as the other women goes, he probably doesn’t really care for her much because as you already suspect, he probably already slept with her. He got what he wanted and if after that night she doesn’t want anything to do with him that’s fine by him.

I hope this help and just move on to something better. That guy doesn’t sound like he’s worth it. One more thing, never believe what a guy says when he’s drunk. Guys will say anything or do anything in order to get what they want.

[April Masini]

The signals are only mixed if you believe a drunken guy’s behavior! The reality is that he isn’t interested in you unless he’s drunk and looking to score with someone — if not the woman you saw him kissing earlier in the evening, then you, the one he was making a move on later in the evening.

I think you want to believe there is more here than there actually is. Pay attention to his sober behavior — not his his inebriated behavior, and you’ll know who you’re dealing with.

I hope that helps.

Let me know how things go, and join me @AskAprilcom on Twitter (follow me!) and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

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