help me please?

[cassandra]

so here is my story … i was with a guy who was 19 when i was 15 everything seemed good for a while we were witch eachother for 4 years and turns out the ungrateful fuck had been lying and cheating on my the whole time .. boy was i dumb. any way i got a job .. and met this guy who was much older then me and i talked to everyday faitfully he helped me through things i never imagained that i could ever get over i started confiding in him about my boyfriend telling him how much i was hurting .. and hed give me advice on what i should do … i was co-opping at the place where i was then working for 3 yrs so iv known the other guy that long as well i was 18 by the time i started smartenning up and taking others peoples advice for once so i guess u can say this older guy helped get me out of a bad disicion not long after me and my first boyfriend broke up i started having feelings for this other guy the guy thats been there for me anyways we started seeing eachother and hungout all winter we were praciticly inserperable i spent one christmas with him and i really fell this guy … not long after my birthday in january things seemed to of changed this older guy that i was with told me that we couldnt be togeather beacauase of financhial reasons … seeing as this guyt was divorced and he was gonna loose his house if he didnt move back .. in for the kids sake so i was made to belive /// but i did trust him and i accepet the fact that it had to happen i was a wreck for like 2 months beacause i really loved this guy we talked eveyrday for two months after the “mutual” break-up and i couldnt find myself getting over him anytimes soon .. finally i started seeing this other guy who is now my world and life but before that the older guy i was seeing would still text me telling me how much he loves me and it was a mistake for him to let me go my current boyffriend understanibly got angry one day i was texting the older guy just talking nothing of the ordinary and i told him i missed him … but dont get me wrong i missed his friend ship … the way we could always talk to eachother … but of course i led to my boyfriend now about talkn to him … he went trhough my cellphone and knew i lied /… to this day i feel sooo bad for nllying to him /// but beacause i knew he didnt like the older guy i didnt want to start problems beacause it was just a conversation … any way theres really no excuse for lying tot he ones u love /// but heres how it went now he want me to make a choice the older guy as a friend or him as bf …. i chose my boyfriend jeremy now as much as it hurt me to let go of such a amazing friend its something i felt i had to do i have not lied to my boyfriend once since and we are under an agreement that i do not talk to the older guy… but today the older guy msged me telling me hes still in love with me and all this other stuff telling me that he could take me far away from here … now i feel obligated to tell my boyfriend what he is saying and its wierd but i do miss him a a friend still and i do want to reply to him but i dont want to lie to my boyfriend i dont have the heart to and im gonna have to tell my boyfriend what he messaged me but hen its gonn start alot of problems to beacause now jeremy is gonna want to have his say to this older guy … i just dont want that kind of action taken beacause i do still care about the feelings of this older guy i do care about him as a friend but i respect my boyfriends wishes and i dont write back to this other guy as much as sometimes i want to beacause i used to talk to him everyday and he helped me through alot … he was just a good friend in general but now im stuck beetween a rock and a hardplace beacause im gonna have to tell jeremy my boyfriend what he saying .. any advice cassandra

[April Masini]

It’s time for you to learn that you can’t live your life around your feelings. There are more important things, like your behavior and your character. Just because you have feelings for your ex-boyfriend — or because you miss his friendship — doesn’t mean you should behave in a way that is disloyal to your current boyfriend. Maturity means making decisions and sometimes the decisions are tough ones. Sometimes they involve sacrifice. But sacrifice is what you do for your loved ones.

I agree with your boyfriend, Jeremy. You shouldn’t be friendly with your ex-boyfriend — at all. It won’t work. It will make things too messy and confusing. I never advise keeping ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends) as friends — and your situation is a perfect example of why it doesn’t work. So, stop playing the victim. You have to man up and become the woman who wants to be a great girlfriend! 🙂 You have to block your ex’s calls, not take his e-mails and stop giving this old boyfriend your friendship and your attention — because you want to show your loyalty to Jeremy instead.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

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