[relationshipa1]

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. I realized it’s because I fought him constantly for petty things because of issues that I’ve realized stemmed from my past. And every time I fought him I’ve noticed he pulls back and gets confused over his feelings for me, even if he compartmentalized the situation and forgets the fight, however the subconscious parts remember.

When we first started off as friends I kept pushing him to other girls until he thought he had no chance with me whatsoever and pushed his feelings for me and really thought of me as just a friend. And he was resolved that we would just be friends. Until I told him how I felt about him. At first he fought me and said that all he could see of me was friendship, but as time went on, the feelings he hid came out and he gave me his heart.

Well idiot that I was I kept fighting him again, mostly this time of jealousy. He kept taking it until he couldn’t take it anymore and ended it with me. Days later I wrote him a letter trying to get him back and start again. He hesitated because he said he already is convinced that all he thought of me was friendship and he’s made up his mind. he felt nothing for me but friendship and didn’t want to lose me as his friend. I convinced him somehow and he agreed so we started out slow and days later we were back to what we were again.

This time when we broke up I took longer to contact him. I egged him on to end things because he was confused on his feeling for me and it just made me resent him. Even though we fight, we’ve never insulted each other, nor yelled at each other. He was devastated thinking he was the one who ended things, when in reality I manipulated it to make it look like it was all his idea so I didn’t have to feel guilty for what i did.

I feel so remorseful. I realized I ruined the best relationship I ever had because of fear. We have this great cosmic connection that even he said was so rare, most people don’t have what we have.

I finally got a chance to talk to him today and apologized for what I did to him, but he can’t seem to remember the fights. and he said all he felt now was friendship. I was like? just last week you cried because you liked me so much. And I realized he did it again, his mind compartmentalized and placed me in the friendship file. His mind is so quick to go into a survival mode. I asked him if we could start off as friends, and dating no one for 2 months. he agreed but he told me not to expect anything nor to pressure him. i agreed since i did the damage and i want to make things up to him.

Even though from my experience it took about less than a week for his subconscious to remember his feelings for me, what can I do to help him remember and get back his feelings for me. I’m scared that I have done so much damage that his feelings are so hidden way down deep. I have only two months. I feel like I’m working with someone with amnesia or something and racing against time. And why do guys do this? How can they compartmentalize that easily?

Right now we’re starting off as friends, chatting really well as if nothing happened at all. We’re making things comfortable and he is sending me winking emoticons a lot even talking about the first moments we flirted with each other. i won’t read too much into it, but that is what he did with me when he flirted.

Please help me what can I do to help him remember and get back his feelings for me? We live in different continents so this is not going to be easy to get him to have those feelings for me again, but I’m willing to take people’s suggestions.

[April Masini]

Your problem isn’t him and his “compartmentalizing” you. Your problem is YOU! 😮 You sabotaged this relationship and now you’re trying to blame it on him. It’s presumptuous for you to decide he’s pushed you into his subconscious, since you don’t know what’s going on in his brain, how he feels things or how he processes things. So stop playing doctor and start being a more healthy person, yourself. Because that is one person you CAN be an expert about! 🙂

If you’re afraid of rejection, YOU are the one who has to process this problem internally and BEHAVE in a way that doesn’t manipulate or sabotage the relationship into getting him to break up with you because you’re afraid that that is what’s going to happen anyway. Picking fights, pushing other women on him and behaving in ways to end things because you figure that if YOU cause their ending first, you’re not the cause of the ending, is pretty twisted, but it happens with people who have a lot of fear, like yourself.

Understand that relationships end or forge ahead based on compatibility, self knowledge and where the man and woman are in their own lives that allow them mutual goals. This relationship may or may not end even if you do everything right because you’re possibly not compatible, but right now — you don’t know that. Right now, you have to be in the moment, have a nice time, get to know him and yourself, and express your feelings without acting on them. In other words, just because you’re scared, doesn’t mean you should sabotage. Instead, you can just feel scared or talk about your scared feeling to a friend without jeopardizing your relationship.

Let me know if that makes sense to you, and if it works for you.

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