Helplessly in love

[jazz]

Hi April, I am a 20yr old female from Australia, I have been dating my bf for 5 years now and after some problems when we first started dating we broke up and got back together many times in the first year because i had a relationship phobia i was after all 15, but i soon got over it. We had good sex and great compatibility, My problem started in the last year or so he confessed a secret to be about wanting to be a rapper, i thought it was a joke and laughed, i soon figured out it wasn’t and tried to support him in it, but after him leaving me for a singer he wanted on his demo, he sent me alot of abuse and would say he loves me, then abuse me then say lets be friends, after a month i hadn moved on but was seeing another guy, not serious, just comfort to the broken hearted. we got back together but now a year later i dont want to have sex, i feel like im being used and i cant stand him constantly being on Facebook and talking about rap, my problem is i think its unrealistic and am looking for someone i can start a life with, whether its traveling or more… He refuses to travel and we fight constantly… I get told to end it but he makes me laugh and knows me so well… Im worried my hang up will end it, and that he may be the One… I just cant deal with the fights and cant get passed him leaving me… Please help

[April Masini]

First loves are a big deal. And someone you had sex with for the first time is bonded to you in a special way. But you’re a lot older now than you were when you were 15 and were first dating him. At 20, your ideas of what you want from life have changed, understandably. He’s no longer compatible with what you want in a man. 😳 I think you know this, and you know he’s not going to change and neither are you, so although it’s time to move on, it’s hard because of the bond you have. Dating for five years, losing your virginity to him, and having him as your boyfriend for most of your teenage years is a big deal. BUT…. it’s time to grieve the end of this relationship, be happy for the good times, and recognize that he can’t give you what you want and need any more — and you can’t give him what he needs and wants any more. If you stay with him, things will get ugly because you’re no longer compatible, so the best (and bravest) thing to do is to let go once and for all.

I hope that helps. Please let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]https://www.facebook.com/Relationship.Expert.April.Masini[/url].

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