He’s confusing the hell out of me!

[shoogied]

I have a personal/business relationship that has been going on for about 10
months. I never thought I could meet a guy as fabulous as this guy. He’s
thoughtful, considerate and knows how to treat a lady…blah blah blah. He
took me out for appreciation dinner for all that I’ve done which ended up
being very romantic (feeding me off his fork). All of our interactions dance on a fine line between
flirting, business and a deep care for eachother. If I could read the body
language from across the room I would probably be surprised on how many
physical cues we are both giving off to eachother.

After the dinner I felt motivated to confess my feelings to him but I was so
nervous I couldn’t and cowardly told him in a txt message after leaving the
parking lot. Yikes! I know…ridiculous for an adult. Got a response 2 days later that I took him by surprise and suggest we get together and talk which never ended up happening. We did some business together over the phone but no awkwardness or anything. I didn’t see him for over 2 months and almost
totally got him off my mind.

When we met up again, there was an even stronger connection and actually I
was even more comfortable around him despite the hurt feelings I had for not
getting a real reaction to my ‘text confession.”

He has had his heart broken a ton of times and claims he has revere trust issues.His last relationship ended in May 09 and he shared a lot about his break up with me.

He gives me every hint that he feels the same way but tries to keep the any gifts and compliments under the umbrella of business/friendship.

I really don’t plan to bring up the subject twice since the non-answer felt
like rejection. He has some serious rejection issues and has a lot of insecurities about his looks etc.

His diversion is being SO BUSY with work so he does not go up for air to
think of anything emotion related. I really want to spend more time with him
but obviously there is an undetermined reason he hasn’t re-approched me. We have have a really strong connection and I’m thinking something is holding him back.

[April Masini]

Please re-think your definition of a “strong connection”. 😕

What you have is a sexual connection, but he’s made it very clear to you he’s not interested in you as a girlfriend. Don’t be confused any more. If a guy wants to date you, he will. Guys have sex because they can — it’s not that hard to do. By feeding you with his fork at dinner, he’s fostering a sexual relationship, not a romantic one. This guy has clearly chosen not to have a romantic relationship with you for almost a year now. Accept the reality and get over your manufactured confusion.

He’s not available to be in a relationship with you, and when he is, he’ll let you know by calling you up and asking you out on a date. Don’t waste your time on this guy any more. Focus on yourself finding Mr. Right, and only flirt with and spend personal time with guys who are available and interested. 🙂

[shoogied]

Thanks for your time April. This is not a sexual relationship. There has been no physical contact besides a hug at most. We first and foremost have a professional relationship. Giving that up and possibly screwing that up means a financial loss for me and the loss of a good/responsible contractor to him. 😥 We have an emotional connection, a friendship and he without a doubt cares about my well being. He initiated situations that go far beyond the realm of a professional relationship/ casual friendship and it absolutely confuses me. Compliments, gifts, (successfully) advocating to get me additional freelance work/full time work. This guy is real and there is a emotional/personal connection between us. I am extremely independent and besides my family nobody has ever gone to these lengths to convey care for me with the amount of effort he has.

True, I could be waiting for something to happen that may never happen. He may not be into me and is just flattering his own ego but it for sure isn’t sexually motivated.

[April Masini]

When you first wrote me that you think something is holding him back from dating you, given what you consider a strong connection, my response was that FOR HIM, it’s a sexual connection that hasn’t been acted on yet. If he wants to date you he will. What he wants is sex, but he’s not pressing you because he can tell you want the whole nine yards, not just sex.

I hope that helps with any confusion you may still have.

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