[natalie]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and we recently moved in together, about a month ago. For Thanksgiving, we agreed to go to my parents’ house for lunch, and then to his parents’ for dinner. I told him I was going to my mom’s the day before Thanksgiving to help her prepare stuff. I want to invite him to help, but he gets off work at midnight. I told him I was just going to stay over because I’d have to wake up early anyways to help finish preparing all the food. I was hoping for a “Oh okay honey, I’ll see you Thanksgiving morning then”, but instead our dialogue goes something like this:

“Why do you need to sleep over? I’m not going to see you on Thanksgiving.”
“What do you mean? We’re going to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and yours all day. Come in the morning when you get up.”
“I don’t want to sit around and do nothing.”
Then he mope-ely goes and sleeps on the couch voluntarily.
Sad
He’s not mad, but sad/upset because I won’t be there when we wakes up. He has tantrums like this a lot, where if there’s something he doesn’t like, he’ll give the “silent I don’t wanna talk” treatment. It usually happens when I want to spend time with my mom, just having a girl’s day out or something. He’d text and if I don’t get back he gets sad and says I’m ignoring him. I was hoping for a bit of support from him. I want to know how I can talk to him or what I should say so he would stop acting this way. It’s really frustrating to have a boyfriend who acts like a baby and gives the silent treatment when he doesn’t like something. Sometimes it can last for days. I’ve talked to him about this, but he keeps on doing it. We usually see my parents together, so it’s not like I’m visiting them without him. My parents are really nice and like him a lot, and my mom always cooks something for him when we come over. So I don’t know why he acts this way. Thanks for your help!

[April Masini]

Frankly, he throws tantrums and acts like a baby because he can. You engage him, you allow the bad behavior and (I suspect) you often give in to it.

I suggest that the next time he does it that you tell him something like this:

“Look XYZ, I love you and I’ve told you where I am going and what I am going to be doing. As much as I adore you I am sick and tired of these tempter tantrums over nothing and I am not going to engage in this behavior any more. If you want to pout and sleep on the couch, pout and sleep on the couch. If you want to be silent and act like a spoiled brat who isn’t getting their way — be silent and act like a spoiled brat. However, please understand that I want to be in a relationship with a man — not a child. I am not going to acknowledge or engage you when you are displaying this childish behavior any longer.”

Then don’t. Don’t acknowledge or engage him. Don’t say one more word about it. Nothing. Go about doing what you told him that you were going to do and let him have the tantrum on his own.

If you ignore the bad behavior — and I mean completely — I strongly suspect it will stop.

[Author]

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