Hey im new to this

[sue26]

Hi im a relationship and am due to get married in a few months. I have know for a while my fiance watches a fair bit of porn and we have talked about it. He insists its just like a fantasy thing and doesnt change how he feels about me in anyway. But recently have notised on my computer he has going on affair chatrooms looking for some discreat fun. Im worried about this and not sure what to do if I bring it will he think im spying on him or do I just trust that this maybe a fantasy thing 2 and he really eont cheat. Thing is im going for a few days soon and have a horrible feeling he may do something. Help really need advise please 🙂 thanks

[bella1979]

This is purely my opinion but here goes … the porn is acceptable to some degree but chat rooms about indiscreet affairs?!?! Seriously … does this sit ok with you when you’re about to get married?? I know it would make me sick in the stomach … but that’s just me.

If it doesn’t feel right then let it be known. Talk to him and see where that goes 🙂

[crazed-driver]

Its ok for him to watch it as long as he’s not neglecting you in the meantime. As for the other thing, You’re not spying on him as it was on your computer in the first place, not his, if you went through his personaly property, then its a different story. But what hes more or less saying sounds a bit like this. “You’re a very attractive woman and I love you. But I’ve seen some women out in town that I want to sleep with.”

[kitkat620]

the porn is one thing, for me, that would bother me. but going online onto sites that offer discreet online affairs? NO! that is crossing the line. you should think long and hard if you really want to be with this dishonest person. that is no way to start a new relationship let alone a marriage.

you are not spying on him considering he went on these sites on YOUR computer. you have every right to question him about his intentions, but don’t expect the truth. sorry, but he will cheat. i have been with a cheater for 20 plus years and it does not end. sorry to be so blunt, but you need to cancel your wedding NOW!

good luck.

[crazed-driver]

[quote=”kitkat620″]the porn is one thing, for me, that would bother me. but going online onto sites that offer discreet online affairs? NO! that is crossing the line. you should think long and hard if you really want to be with this dishonest person. that is no way to start a new relationship let alone a marriage.

you are not spying on him considering he went on these sites on YOUR computer. you have every right to question him about his intentions, but don’t expect the truth. sorry, but he will cheat. i [color=#FF0000][b]have been with a cheater for 20 plus years and it does not end.[/b][/color] sorry to be so blunt, but you need to cancel your wedding NOW!

good luck.[/quote]

May sound a bit obvious here, but does that mean, you’ve stayed with a guy for 20 years, knowing that hes slept around on more than 1 occasion? 😕

[April Masini]

Hey, [b]Sue26[/b]! It looks like you’ve posted the same question twice on this forum. I answered you already earlier, but since there seem to be so many new opinions here, I thought I’d chime in in response to them! 😀

I always say that a person’s actions speak louder than words, so if you notice him enjoying the way women look and it doesn’t affect your relationship or his own day to day life, it’s probably not a full on porn problem. However, when porn is the gateway to participating in “discreet” 🙄 chat rooms and eventual meeting up and cheating, porn isn’t the real problem. Betrayal and possible addiction to sex is.

Knowing your partner has a more serious issue, you have the choice to ask him or her to get help, and/or change his or her behavior. But if that partner doesn’t do either of those things, and you stay for 20 years in a victim situation, you become part of the problem, yourself. 😳

I hope that helps.

And I hope you’ll all join me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook — here’s the link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. 😀

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