Hiding information in a relationship

[Tania1]

At present i am separated, with someone now who says that im the one, he wants to marry me when we are able and that we are meant and no one is out there for him.

At intial stage i said to him to think about dating as concerned at that time if it could happen due to situation however he reconfirmed on many occasions that he would wait for how long it took and he didnt want to be with anyone else. He had just prior told me he had gone out with one women and and had advised of some that didnt work however would promise he would keep truthful.

However yesterday he just out of the blue said he would give me his password for Facebook after asking if i would, but said he would need to delete messages from women he has been trying to force them to go out with him. I was shocked because he was talking about 2 Facebook women he has been messaging to go out with i didnt know about til now, he said it was a few months ago but this was the period we were as you could say boyfriend/girlfriend and looking at a full future together.

He then said ok i will delete some messages and then show examples. So there i am sitting close with him hiding his phone looking for examples to show me and then said no there’s no examples to show, therefore i wont show you. I then explained that it wasnt good to hide or not be honest by not showing the messages or being truthful for a relationship with the future he wants however he said he is not hiding anything ( yet hid his phone, got defensive and said i could see it only after he deleted them).

I love this guy alot but not sure if to leave.

[April Masini]

You’re putting too much pressure on the relationship. Relax. You’re still married to someone else and you’ve only been dating this guy for six months, even though you’ve known him for a year and a half. It’s kind of early for him to be discussing marriage — but maybe he’s someone who is a little impulsive in general and that’s why he did it. I think it’s a little odd that he would ask for your Facebook password and then want to give you his — why wouldn’t you just want to keep those parts of your life private? I know you’re surprised that he’s been in touch with some women on Facebook, but understand that your relationship is still new, so give each other a little space and understand that he’s been dating and playing the field, not because he doesn’t like you but because it’s still early in your relationship. The fact that you’re not divorced yet may make him feel that you’re not taking this relationship as seriously as he had hoped, and so he’s hedging his bets by playing the field.

I don’t think you need to break up with him — instead, consider this as an opportunity to get to know each other further. Ask him why he wanted you to see his social media accounts and if he was trying to tell you something by wanting you to see them. And tell him you don’t want him to feel that he has to delete messages from his “friends”, but you were surprised to learn that he’s still “investing” in other women, and it was a good wake up call to realize you have competition! Get the communication going and don’t clam up because you learned something about him and your relationship that makes you uncomfortable. Explore what’s going on with him and then see how you feel about staying or going. 😉

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