His mixed message means what??

[Dpb]

Ok so I’ve been talking to this guy pretty consistently for 3 months. Invited me to his hometown multiple times, met his friends and family. Both are super nice and he even said how both really like me. His friend group is respectable and nice. He is more of the shy type, his friends and parents even mentioned that also. The friends he hangs with are super respectable and nice also. We both work but make time to see each other. Whwn we do hang its always good, hes super attentive. Well last week, I noticed him getting ahold of me less. We talk usually a little at night before we go to bed because we both have busy days. He also didnt reply mid convo to when i got ahold of hom once. I confronted him about whether he was interested or not & wrote a 3pg text how he is 100% interested, just been super busy, feels bad, and is sorry he hasn’t gotten ahold of me the past few days. I said that was totally fine, I understood. I had a weird feeling towards just how busy you can be 24/7… Sooo After that night 2 more days go by and I don’t hear a word from him. I didnt get ahold of him in those 2 days bc I thought if hes busy I dont wanna be in his hair. My gut feeling is that there’s is something going on because this has never happened. I messaged him on the 3rd day and called it quits nicely, yet never got a reply. This caught me COMPLETELY & UTTERLY off guard. The last time we hung out it was so much fun also. I never saw it coming. Shouldn’t he have walked the talk and gotten ahold of me after he wrote a long message how he was into me? Or am I overreacting?? Help!!

[April Masini]

If a guy doesn’t message you in a few days, it’s because he’s not interested enough to do so. If you like him, and want him to want you, you have to entice him — not hold him accountable for not contacting you. Instead of making yourself be someone he wanted to contact, you made yourself a responsibility, and that’s not very sexy! 😉 Next time, if you like someone flirt with them. Ask them about themselves. Be someone they [i]want[/i] to contact — not someone they feel they have a responsibility to contact (especially only 3 months in).

Next, understand dating and timelines. It sounds like you were “talking” to each other and hanging out. This is not dating. It’s a step beneath it. When a guy thinks you’re special and someone he wants to make his own, he’s going to treat you that way. When he’s just talking to you or hanging out, he’s interested — but not as interested as the guy who wants to take you out, make sure you’re happy, having a good time, etc. So use that barometer to know where you stand. Also, it’s only been three months. That’s the amount of time it takes people, generally, to decide if they want to continue dating someone they’ve started dating. It assumes you’re both playing the field because it’s too early to commit to someone you don’t know well enough. So remember, you’ve got competition! Dating is naturally competitive, and I think you forgot that.

And finally anytime a guy starts showing disinterest through less frequency of contact, you should pay attention because it means he’s busy or he’s losing interest or both. Empathy is one way to react — because he’s so busy. Trying to entice him to show interest is another. But when you give ultimatums, berate him or break up with him, you’ve sent a message that you’re high maintenance and need a lot of attending to, and it sounds like he decided the two of you weren’t compatible. 😳

[Author]

Posts