Hopeless…?

[indestructible]

Alright, long story ahead. Sorry for that, but the details are kinda important, I think. Where to start…? I’m a guy, I’m 19 (20 in another couple of months), and there’s a girl that I’ve had very deep feelings for for a very long time. Let me start at the very beginning, so that this makes more sense… Now, this is probably going to sound incredibly silly, but I met this girl when we were both just little kids, all the way back in kindergarten. The minute I saw her, I instantly fell for her. Okay, I’ll admit, being that I was just a little kid, it probably started off as an innocent little crush. But we went to grade school together for many years, and honestly, I believe my feelings for her became more “real” (and I’ll explain why a little later). The thing is, I was always a really shy kid, so I never told her. In fact, most of the time, I just shyed away from her.

Eventually, my friends at the time started spreading the word, and it almost became common knowledge that I “liked” this girl. When she caught wind of it, she… well, to be honest, I don’t know exactly what she thought about me. I know she didn’t seem displeased; in fact, during that last year of grade school, her and I had some “cute” moments together. Sadly, I was still too “cautious” to ever really put myself out there, with her. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though; being that we were just little kids, it never would’ve went anywhere, anyway. So, grade school ended, and we went our seperate ways. I was so heartbroken, because the love of my life was just gone from my life, and I never even really got to “fight” for her.

High school came, and I did the best I could to put my feelings for her behind me. I didn’t have much trouble establishing friendships with girls, but I never felt compelled to date any of them… I *did* develop some “crushes” here and there, but again, they just didn’t feel strong enough that I wanted to pursue them. The good thing in that, though, is that I think I now really understand the difference between a “crush” and being “in love”, and that’s why I think my feelings for the girl from grade school fall under the latter.

So, fast forward to early this year. Now, technically, I should’ve started college last year coming right out of high school, but there were several family/ money issues that needed to be worked, so I held off for a year. Getting back on track, back in February, I was looking up colleges to possibly attend this year, and I found myself fairly interested in this one that’s about 1.5-2 hours away from where I live. I happened to be browsing the news section of the college’s website, and I was stunned to come across an article that was making mention of a good deed one of its students, the girl from grade school, had recently done. I was in awe that I just randomly ran across this by chance. I couldn’t believe it.

Shortly after finding that, I was able to find her MySpace page; er, well, I couldn’t actually view it, not being one of her “friends” on MySpace, but I decided to send her a nice little message asking if she remembered me, etc. I expected either a little blow-off message to the affect of “Oh, you were that shy quiet kid from grade school, right? Yeah, nice to hear from you.”, or just not get a response at all. She DID respond, though, and I was a little taken aback by her response, because she seemed so happy and excited to hear from me. I wrote to her some more, and got to find out what kind of things she’s into now, and what she’s majoring in, what her goals are, what career path she’s interested in, her ambitions, etc.; heh, her messages were always so cutesy and unneccessarily chatty (in a silly kind of way), and I could just feel my feelings for her come rushing back as I learned more and more about her.

Now, I know, I can’t say that I still “love” a girl I haven’t seen in years, but I still can’t help but feel an attraction to her. Going by what I’ve learned about her in writing to her, I’d say she has a lot of traits that I find appealing. The only thing I don’t know is what kind of chemistry we’d have, and to know that, I’d need to meet her in person (which is an issue I’ll be getting into soon). Getting back to the story, I eventually gained access to her MySpace page, but my heart sank when I saw on her page that she was in a relationship with some guy she met at college, and they were together since about November of 2007. Despite the fact that she never mentioned him to me, nor did I feel the need to bring up the subject, her page was totally dedicated to how great this guy was, how much she loved him, etc. etc. Still, I kept writing to her casually, as I just didn’t think this guy looked like some one she’d be spending the rest of her life with (although I guess I’m a little biased, lol).

Another thing hit me pretty hard, though; this is probably a really dumb thing to get so worked up about, but being that I have lots of issues with confidence and self-esteem (which, yeah, I know, I should probably be working on, but easier said than done), but… according to her MySpace page, she’s 3-4 inches taller than me. Me, I’m a very very short guy in general (5’2″, maybe 5’3″), and I’d have absolutely no problems dating a girl taller than me (in fact, I kinda like the idea, heh heh). But having seen pics of her with her college boyfriend (and some old pics of what I assume was a high school boyfriend), she seems to only date really tall guys. :/ That depresses me, because I feel like I’m automatically out of the race, here, and no matter what I do, or how good of a chemistry we have together, my height will stop her from even considering me as a possible boyfriend. I know I can’t change what kind of guy she’s attracted to, but I just wish there was some hope on this end, yanno?

Back to the story, summer was coming up, and she was coming home for those four months (she actually lives in a city that’s not more than 15-20 minutes away from where I live), so she and her boyfriend were going semi-long distance, since he lived near the college. I was really hoping to maybe talk her into a casual meet up, just to see what she was really like in person, but I was too nervous, especially since it was a touchy subject, what with her having a boyfriend. I tested the waters, a little, though, and mentioned that I was interested in going to the same school as her this year, and she responded by telling me that she’d be “happy to show me around and help me get comfortable and settled in there”. (My school plans ended up changing, and I’m going to a local college, but I never ended up telling her that)

I tried pulling myself away from her a bit, because I was starting to think I misread her relationship, and that maybe this guy was some one she was going to be with for a very long time. About mid-July, I went back to her page after not having written her for a few weeks, and was a little shocked to see that all the pics and any mention of her boyfriend was pretty much scrapped, and her status was no longer “in a relationship”. I don’t know what happened between them, but judging on some of the comments her friends left her, I guess he lied about something to some one. Must’ve been a pretty bad lie to warrant a break-up, huh? I wrote her a little message, just asking how her summer’s been going, not trying to be intrusive, and she responded that her summer’s been really great so far.

I was really trying to work up some nerve and ask to meet up with her in person, especially since summer was over in about one more month’s time, but at the same time, I was worried about giving her enough time, since she just came off a break-up. Eventually, I worked up some courage, wrote her, and basically asked if she’d like to meet up and catch up in person some time, etc. etc. I didn’t mean for it to sound date-like, or anything. But… she just never responded to that message… Disappointed, I waited a couple more weeks, and then wrote again, writing “just saying hi! haven’t heard from ya in a little while”, and again, no response. I’m a bit embarassed about having wrote her that second message, as it probably made me look SO desperate… :'( I didn’t write her anymore after that…

Here’s the thing, though. I KNOW she got both messages, as I sent that as comments, rather than private messages, and she has it set so that she has to approve comments before they appear on her page. Well, they’ve both been up for quite some time, now… I’ve had some people suggest to me that she’s probably blowing me off, but wouldn’t it have been smarter on her part to have never let my comments go up, in that case? You know, so she could just play dumb and act like “What? Oh, I, uh… never got those messages… >_>”. And why would she have written before that she’d be happy to help me settle in at college back when she thought I was going to hers, and then all of a sudden get spooked at my last couple of messages?

She hasn’t really been using MySpace all that much. She’s pretty much migrated to Facebook (which I don’t use). Sometimes I wonder if it’s because of me that she sticks away from MySpace, but I try to take solace in the fact that she was pretty much switching to Facebook even when I was first writing to her. I dunno, though. Things just feel really… awkward between us, and I don’t know how to break that awkwardness… 🙁

So what do you think? Is there any hope that something may still come of this? Or did I mess this up pretty bad? If there is still some hope, do you think there’s any way at all I might be able to overcome the height thing? Er, I mean, get her to see past it? Really, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should write her again (and if so, what do I even say to her?), or just wait a while, maybe try again next year or after she finishes college altogether… I keep asking on other forums for some advice, but no one seems to really have any answers. The only thing people come up with is telling me to forget about her and move on, but it’s not that easy to let go of feelings that I’ve had for almost 14, 15 years… Really, I’ve never felt so strongly about a girl before, and I don’t WANT to just forget about her and hope that I’ll meet some one else some day. I’m also curious as to what kind of time frame I’m working with here… Some people tell me “Oh, you guys are still young, she probably won’t find some one that she’ll end up marrying in the next few years”, and others tell me “If you’re going to do something, do it soon, as it’s highly likely she’ll find a future husband before she finishes college”. So I’m all confused about what to do, and in a panic because I don’t know how much time I have left to work something out, and so here I am, posting her, hoping to find some kind of answers. Well, that about wraps up my situation. Thanks for reading and, if you do, for responding as well.

[April Masini]

Well, here’s the good news… I’m not going to tell you to just move on. What I am going to tell you is that if you don

[indestructible]

Hm. Alright, so how do I put her on the spot when our only form of communication at the moment is MySpace? Even if I write her again, asking for her phone number, or something, she could just as easily not respond, just like with the last two messages. :/ Really, I don’t necessarily think she wants nothing to do with me (again, I’d think she’d cover her tracks a little better, so to speak), but I can’t figure out why she hasn’t been responding to my messages… I just wish I knew what was holding her back.

I’m also kinda worried that maybe I’m too late. She’s been back at school for a good month or two by now; and since she rarely updates her MySpace anymore, she could very well already be seeing some one new, or at least have some one in mind, and I have no way of knowing that. That and, well… being that she had some idea that I liked her back in grade school, I’m concerned that I’ll come off as some desperate creepy guy that’s been waiting for her all these years. Although, I guess I can see the irony, since some might say I AM that guy, after reading my story. @_@

[April Masini]

If she’s from your neighborhood someone must know her — and her number. If you want it badly enough, you will find a way to get her number. In life we make our own opportunities.

Equally, it doesn’t matter what she (or anyone else for that matter) thinks. What does matter is that you resolve this one way or the other. Our most valuable commodity in life is time — and you’ve wasted enough of yours on this… find a way to reach her, ask her out and then you’ll know. You won’t have to guess and try and figure out the meaning of this or that anymore.

Frankly, the ones who succeed in life are the ones who have the confidence to take risks and go after what they want (be that in their careers or their personal life.) AND it’s those kinds of men that are the most attractive to women. CONFIDENCE is KING when it comes to attracting women. Trust me.

Here’s an article I think you should read (it’s free):
http://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-dating-tips-for-guys-24.html

I also think you could benefit from reading my book Date Out Of Your League.
Why don’t you start by reading some excerpts:
http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html&page=2

[indestructible]

Eh, I don’t really have that well of “connections” that I could find a friend of a friend that may know her. Heh, up until earlier this year when I found her MySpace, I didn’t even know where she lived; for all I knew, she could’ve moved to a whole different state, or something. I imagine if I knew some one that could help me get in touch with her better, I probably would’ve run into her by now.

And thanks, I’ll take a look at the links you posted.

[April Masini]

How did things turn out?

[Author]

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