How can I prove I deserve a 2nd chance?

[jbgone239]

I’ve known this girl for almost 5 years. We were never really good friends but we got along great. We finally went out on a couple dates recently and I thought things were going well. Her sisters threw her a birthday party at their apartment in the city and I was invited among many others. When I got there i soon realized that her ex was there as well. They had been together for years and had only broken up in the last 6 months, I didn’t know what to do or say. I got the impression she didn’t want to talk to me and that made me upset, I was wrong in assuming that, she wanted me there. I drank way too much and got completely blackout drunk. I was told the following day that I embarrassed her in front of everyone with my actions. Apparently I grabbed a girl on the ass. Then when we all went out to a bar and I danced with this girl’s best friend, and by dancing I mean grinding on her and dancing provocatively. Not only that but I ignored the girl I like because I was under the impression that with her ex there it was over between us. I was wrong. She was incredibly hurt by my actions, as she should be, and was embarrassed to even know me. When I found out what I did I called her to talk about it. She basically told me that she knows she isn’t a perfect person but that she would NEVER do that to someone she cared about. I apologized so many times and told her that I’m not like this. She’s known me for 5 years and she even told me that she has never seen me like that before. I kept telling her how ashamed I am and how it was one mistake on one night, and that I am not that kind of guy and I never will be. Needless to say she is upset. She told me she doesn’t hate me but she doesn’t feel the same way about me. We have hung out a couple times since with our group of mutual friends and she seems fine, we joke around and talk just like we used to. On saturday night I dropped her off last and we talked awhile. She told me that she thought of me as a guy who would protect her from anything, a guy who would make her laugh when she was sad, the kind of guy who would make her happy no matter what. I got very emotional from what she said, because I can see how much I let her down. I regret everything I did and I feel so ashamed of myself as it is, but after our talk I felt even worse. WE both got emotional and she told me that she feels as if she would have no self-respect if we were to date again. I told her to just tell me if there was no hope for us to date again but she told that was not the case. She even got upset because she felt bad that I was taking it so hard. She even tried to get me to smile cause she didn’t want to see me upset. We ened up joking around for the last ten minutes of our conversation. She said that we are still friends and that she can’t say anything else for now. What do I do? What should I expect going forward? I really like her and I think she still likes me but she feels pressure from her sisters to keep her distance from me because they only know me from that one night. You thoughts, opinions and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini]

This post seems to be double posted — but I like [b]saintsaxy’s[/b] reply! 🙂 Check for my advice on the duplicate post.

[mrksem454]

At the very least, send a letter of apology to her. You deserve a second chance, You only tried to help. But she probably didn’t want anyone else to know like her parents so she didn’t trust you any-more.

[April Masini]

There’s nothing wrong with a letter — and there could be some right in it. But it’s going to take more than a letter to right this upset apple cart! 😕

[jbgone239]

I really do appreciate all the advice. Saint you are right. I did screw up and being sorry goes much farther then just saying it. All I can do is show her that I care about her and that I am still the same guy she liked before this incident. The fact that she is still talking to me and wants to remain friends is very encouraging for now, but it’s a long road ahead. I have to respect her wants/needs for now and give her the time and space she needs to think about this and deal with it in her own way. She knows how sorry I am and how badly I feel about myself and the situation. I know she knows that I am a genuine guy who knows when he has screwed up and makes no excuses for doing so. I think it will take time for me to earn her trust back if I ever do. And Marksem you are right as well, her family knowing about this has a lot to do with it as well. She can forgive me easier then them because of our past history together, but her family has never met me and only knows me from the story of that one night. That will be the toughest hurdle to overcome if I get that chance. Hopefully that will become less of an issue as more time passes and my actions and behavior from this point forward speak to kind of person I am.

[April Masini]

You sound like you really get it as far as the problem with her family goes. Since they don’t know you except for that one bad night, it is going to be a challenge for you to earn their respect and trust, but I think you’re on your way. 🙂

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