How can she call me a jerk?

[relationshipa1]

Good evening forum, I hope all is well. I’m faced with a bit of a conundrum with my gf of two and a half years. It started as a long distance relationship with frequent visits, before we moved from ohio to texas last summer. We worked a sales job I used to do which boasts high income potential. However, she blew off much of the training that I provided for her. Naturally, her sales were limited, so I carried my weight and hers for months. I paid our rent in texas, while also paying the rent on her place in ohio. Electric bills, cell phone bills, groceries, you name it. And I’ve never hung that over her head neither directly nor indirectly so much as a single time. I feel as though you’re supposed to look out for the person you love.

About two weeks ago, I was presented with a great opportunity. A texas company wants to franchise in ohio, and they want me to run the show. It’s a legitimate six-figure career, of which I have been in pursuit for the last year and a half. I was ecstatic of course, so after I picked her up from work, I told her I got the green light for the franchise and asked her how she would feel about moving back to ohio with me. She instantly flipped out. She flat out said no. No hesitation, no conversation about it, just no. I honestly don’t get how she wouldn’t even entertain the idea of something that’s so important to me. She kept saying it’s not about the money, but I feel like that’s easy for her to say when all of the financial responsibilities rest on my shoulders. She makes MAYBE $220 a week, and carrying both of us is an ever increasing burden. With this opportunity I’ve been blessed with, neither she nor I would have to worry about thing anymore. Neither would our families. I wish she saw it that way.

Since that initial argument, we’ve fought like mongoose and cobra. Jerk and Asshole might as well be my new names as far as she’s concerned. She even went as far as to say she hates me sometimes. And some days she loves me. I was taken aback. I can’t believe she could let the word hate enter her heart or leave her lips after everything I’ve done for her. I honestly don’t think it’s possible to do more for a person than I’ve done for her, save donating a vital organ. And she only loves me sometimes. Great. Even when I’m pissed at her, I still love her. All the time. Although not quite to the same degree since she said that to me.

Would I be wrong for leaving her down here? If I do leave without her, she’ll be screwed. Least of all because she’ll have no car and no money to make next month’s rent. But I kinda feel like if that’s what happens, she brought it on herself.

Thanks for reading this massive wall of text lol. Any input will be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini]

You need to start seeing people more objectively! 😉 You’re looking at her as if she was an extension of you and you’re imputing your values to her when she clearly doesn’t share them. Just because you think people should treat others a certain way doesn’t mean that they do, and while it’s great to hold standards for yourself, it’s productive to discriminate and decide if someone shares your values or not. She doesn’t, and you’ve ignored that for a long time. She’s not going to change — the question is, Will you?

My advice is to understand that the two of you are not compatible and that you need to follow your dream, which is your career path. Along the way you need to find someone who is right for you — that means really paying attention to who people are and deciding, as a process, if they’re compatible with you or not. If they’re not, you need to move on — it’s not cruel. It’s doing [i]both of you[/i] a favor.

If you try and convince her to follow your dream, she’s going to be miserable (which is what you’re seeing now), and if you acquiesce and follow her dream, you’ll be miserable. The favor you need to do both of yourselves is to move on. You’re not stranding her — she’s an adult with options. And so are you.

Don’t think so much about the fact that she’s calling you a jerk when there’s an elephant in the room — she’s not interested in working or supporting your following your dream. Time to go back to Ohio and soar. 😉

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