Your feelings are very normal, and shared by a lot of men and women who go off to college wondering how to hold on to or let go of their hometown boyfriends and girlfriends. What you have to remember is that you’re going through a transition in YOUR life. You’re moving on and expanding your own life by going away to college. This isn’t just an educational transition. It’s a social one, and a time of interpersonal growth as well as growth within yourself. Your thoughts, ideas, and relationships are going to be shaken up, and your relationship with your hometown boyfriend is one of those relationships.
First of all, he’s not really like a brother, even though you think he is. If he was truly like a brother, he’d be there forever. The reality is that he’s a boyfriend, and while you may be interested in exploring the world, and dating other men right now, his feelings may not match yours. In fact, he may become hurt, angry, or perhaps understanding of your feelings. Regardless, you do risk losing him if you date other men.
That said, it’s important not to get stuck in a rut. This is a perfect time in your life to explore dating other men, and your boyfriend at home is going to understand this even if he doesn’t like it. Being truthful with him is important. It honors your feelings about him and about yourself. So follow your instincts about telling him what you want, and how you feel, rather than dating behind his back, even if he may not find out.
Then understand that this step in your life involves risk because you respect both your boyfriend and yourself. He may not be able to be your friend while you’re dating other men, and in fact, you may not be able to be his friend if he decides to date other women, as well. But this is a risk you need to take because it’s the honest and respectful way to handle your situation.
Time is a wonderful healer of wounds. If you do happen to lose your boyfriend as a friend by breaking up with him, if you continue to contact him a couple of times a year, regardless of where you are in your own romantic life, chances are, he will eventually be in a place where he does want to be friends with you — even if you’re both dating other people. And if he doesn’t want to be your friend again, you will always know in your heart what a great guy he was and is, and that your decision to move on was an honest one that was the right thing for you to do.
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