[Kalisto76]

Hi April. Im a single mom on one. Several weeks ago a guy from work asked me out and i accepted. He is a single dad of 3 kids. We hit it off on the first date. Talked on the phone every day, texted. He was saying all these thing that made me believe he was really interested. second date, was also great. He said he had a crush on me for a while. Said he likes me a lot and that he wants to do thing right and see where this takes us. I agreed. We have not yet been intimate. We did kiss though. I was expecting a third date. He went on a businesses trip for a few days. We talked throughout, texted. He came back and something changed. He said he will try to get a night off so we can go out but that it may be difficult for him because his x is not in their lifes and he has barely any help with the kids. Then for the next few days he started texting less and less. Said he was busy catching up at work. Yesterday he called me and said that he feels bad because he can tell i want more of him and he cant give me a lot of his time. That he has been single for 4 years because its hard for him to get any time off. Said i am the best girl he met in a long time and he doesn’t want to hurt me if it doesn’t work out because he cant put in the time he thinks i deserve. I asked if he wants to stop seeing each other and he said he just wants to be honest with me and talk things through. I told him i dont mind that he cant give me all the time and that im willing to give it a try. He said, lets see where this goes, and we left it at that. Since that call he has been still distant even though we still exchanged a few texts. I really like him and i dont know how to act or what to do. How do i capture his attention ? What do i do to make him give it a try. Please help

[April Masini]

It sounds like you a couple of nice dates, and then things got a little more serious and a little less fun. What you want to try to do is to re-capture that fun, and to be alluring and enticing and flirt with him! 😎 Try not to be needy or desperate — and try not to be responsible for scheduling a date. When you get into scheduling (and being disappointed that you’re both so busy), you’re not someone he can’t wait to be with. You’re another scheduling issue in his life that is full of them already. So, just be the sparkly girlfriend he wants to chase after and date. 😉 If and when the two of you do text, talk or see each other, try to put the focus on the two of you — not on parenting, responsibilities and other things that drag down a new relationship. He wants romance in the relationship and he doesn’t want responsibility right now. So, be that romantic partner! In addition, be understanding of his schedule, and don’t express disappointment when he can’t get away — but do express delight when he can. He needs someone to be light, sexy and fun — because he’s got a lot of responsibility and work in his life with his kids and his career. So, you be the break he can’t wait to give himself! Don’t chase after him at this point — but do be really happy to see him at work, and flirt! You got his attention once — you can do it again. Just try to rewind and reboot and be the woman he wants to chase after. That’s the dynamic you want to try and elicit and nurture.

I hope that helps!

[RoxOli]

Hi April, I have a question that’s related to this situation. I am friends with a guy, and we have been hanging out for two years. In the meantime I realized I am really into him. He makes me laugh and I started to get butterflies a couple of months ago. I don’t know how to get his attention in the romantic way, being a total tomboy.
I read a lot of stuff online, but I need more info since it’s a specific friendzone situation I’m having here. Can you give me more specific advice, first hand? It would mean a lot to me – I really wanna be with this man!

Hoping you can help me,
xoxo

[April Masini]

Hi there:

Please start your own string of posts! That way if the person who originated this one wants to post a follow up question, their posts are in one place.

You can start one by by clicking on the Ask A Question link on this page: https://relationshipadviceforum.com. I’ll look out for your question! I’d love to help you.

[MarkSingle]

Hi
you said that everything changed after business trip? Maybe he met someone and he decide this new person is better then you( sorry to say that ) but this is my first choice. The thing is that he said on the second date he have crash on you and everything changed after his trip. For me this situation is really odd.
You said that you are working with him so maybe you will see him with someone. Don’t worry if not this will be another one. be patient there is somewhere for everybody. I have a friend and she is single mum as well, but she is looking for a right guy. She met lots of guys, but one said that he doesn’t like kids( so she dump him), the other one said that she is too far from him. She told me that the kids first and then guy. Kids more important then relationship.

[April Masini]

Good advice!

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