how do i stop dwelling on my bf and his ex’s relationship?:(

[ilovehim]

im sorry i have so many posts in so little time but i wanna smooth out the bumps in my relationship early.

ok well i am still a proud virgin. one of my biggest turnoffs is a guy who isnt. for example i dated a guy who was madly in love with me, found out he wasnt a virgin and i was done. i dated a guy who i put on a pedastal heard he got head and there wasnt a spark left i found out it wasnt true we tried to work it out…it didnt but anyways i am dating the guy of my dreams. he is sweet and kind endearing and sensitive.he is my first kiss and first serious relationship. i have never felt any pressure in our relationship…yesterday i found out at a party from his ex’s ex best friend that his ex had given him head. i was heartbroken, knowing that this changed everything, i texted him, asked if it was true…he said yes once i was disgusted i never liked his ex and now im soo confused. i love him but i dont want him touching me. i was ready to break up with him but he pleaded with me not to he said it just happened and he regrets it. he thought i had already knew since his ex told everyone. he called our mutual friend in tears and said just tell her one thing…i love her
im sure he is over his ex but now i dont know what to do. i want to be in his arms and feeling safe but at the same time im so disgusted like i dont even want to think about it,it makes me so sick to my stomach to the point where i have cramps and feel like vomiting every 5 seconds but at the same time it is all i can think about. I have to see his ex 5 days a week in the halls at school and in math and it is tearing me apart. i am heartbroken because i really wanted to be with him forever and now i dont know if we will make it through the week…
how do i get past this..how do i stop dwelling on it and go back to being happy with him

by the way he doesnt expect head from me i told him straight off the bat the day we r married is starting line to anything besides kissing and cuddling …

[April Masini]

I really want to help you, but when you post a lot, it’s much easier if you connect your posts, so I can see the history of your problem and give you a better answer. Therefore, please repost this question as an attachment to the last post you made so rather then multiple posts, there’s one long one for you.

Thank you!

[ilovehim]

thank you, you have already answered my other posts i would just like a reply to this
please give advice 😥

[April Masini]

Some people are very clear on what they do and don’t want in dating, and I always advise them to not waste their own time or other peoples’ time by dating someone who isn’t compatible. Sometimes those lists of what women will and won’t consider are: previously married men, men with children, men who don’t have a job, men who are a certain weight or height, etc.

However, some of these women — most of these women, actually — as they get older, realize that some of the things on their lists can get crossed off because a man has other redeeming qualities that make up for the things the women don’t like. For instance, a woman who doesn’t want to date short men, may find a short guy who’s so charming and is there for her through thick and thin, and she finds those latter qualities so appealing, that she’s willing to forgo the fact that he’s short, because other qualities he has make up for his height. Men do the same thing with women.

The thing is this process usually happens as women get (and men) get older. It’s only with experience that they realize they can’t have everything they want in life all at the same time, so they start making compromises. Without “settling” we all make the best of what life offers us.

I can feel in your post, in what you haven’t written and is between the lines, that you like a lot about this guy, except you’ve always had a standard that you applied to yourself, and your dates, and this guy broke that standard. The question you have to ask yourself is, Are you ready to compromise, yet? This is not an easy question to answer — I know that. But you can do it.

The reason you’re dwelling on this guy and his ex-girlfriend is because sex is such a loaded and important step to take, and because you haven’t taken it, and are committed not to for some time now, the idea that your guy and his ex did, makes you wonder not only about his morality, but about the act itself. It’s pretty mysterious and awesome (in the real definition of that word) to you right now, and even scary. Imagining what it may be like has got to be on your mind, and now you have this mental image in your head that you can’t shake, especially when you see your guy’s ex-girlfriend in the halls at school.

The way you can shake that image is by understanding that what your guy and his ex-girlfriend did had nothing to do with you, and lots of people do lots of things that aren’t about you. Your interest is because YOU are thinking about sex, morality, and the logistics of the acts involved in sex. When you realize that this interest and fascination (for better or worse) is yours and has more to do with you than with the ex-girlfriend, you’ll begin to realize she’s not important. You and your decisions to live your life the way you choose are what’s important here.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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