[dimy]

I’m a 19 year old guy. I am very close to my best male friend and his GF. She was my sister’s friend first but now my male friend & I are around her more than my sister is. We all 3 stay at my apartment a lot. They say their relationship feels more like a threesome because they never even get along very well if Im not there.

The other day the GF came home from the pool kind of sore from swimming too hard. We were all 3 watching a movie and I was sitting behind her so I gave her a rub on the neck and back and shoulders. It’s not usual for me to start touching her like that but she said it felt great. After the movie I went to my room to bed.

The next day my friend told me that she had wanted to go to my bed and “sleep with me” that night. He was surprised but not mad. He knows I would never mess with any GF of his behind his back. I don’t know if he told her not to do it or she changed her mind. I guess she just wanted to cuddle with me but I don’t know that for sure either. I am a virgin and she knows it. (There are other girls that would totally date me but Im not very comfortable trying to start a relationship.)

What should I think about this? Is it betraying my friend if she initiated it and he knows about it? It sounds weird that a girls BF wouldnt’ mind her in a bed with his friend but yuou have to know him and me. We have been best friends since we were like 4 years old. He has made comments before that I should be her BF and not him. Maybe he told her not to do it but I’m not sure. Either way he was pretty quick to tell me about the whole thing, and he didn’t need to tell me what she said if he didn’t want to.

Was this a platonic or a sexual thing she was thinking about? She is not the kind of person to do this just to be a tease or joking around. She is pretty reserved about physical affections and I don’t flirt with her like that. Its easier for me to believe it was platonic. But I asked my cousin who knows them a little bit and he said no way. He doesn’t think this girl would be cuddling up to me in a bed half naked while her regular BF is in the other room unless she had some kind of sexual feelings towards me.

She’s a cute girl with a really sexy body. We have seen each other fresh out of bed in the morning lots of times and I know we both like to sleep 2/3rds naked. I could not have cuddled up with her in bed without a my huge boner spoiling the innocent mood. How do I explain that if she was just being platonic?

This may never happen again but I am seriously confused about what to do if there is a next time.

[April Masini]

You’re walking into trouble, and you know it! Your instincts are really good, but your normal 19 year old guy sexual attraction to this situation is pushing you towards a troubling scenario. So, let’s see if I can answer your questions so you can help yourself! 😀

First of all, your best friend’s girlfriend is sexually attracted to you and her desire to sleep with you and cuddle is her way of wanting to get involved with you sexually without scaring you away or being crass enough to admit the truth. 😳 It’s not a platonic gesture or a platonic intention. It’s full on sexual. Your best friend’s admission that his relationship with his girlfriend is more of a threesome because they get along better when you are around is a weird statement, and a flashing yellow light. He’s not old enough to have the experience to know that if you sleep with his girlfriend, their relationship will end and all three of you may find yourselves in a drama situation with heartbreak.

As for your question about betrayal, the answer is YES! If she initiates sex with you and you have sex with her, not telling your best friend you had sex of any kind with his girlfriend definitely is a betrayal.

Threesomes rarely work out. More often, as you’ll see by reading posts from my readers who’ve delved into them, they result in heartache and trouble.

Back away from the proverbial hot stove or you will get burned. No more back rubs of your best friend’s girlfriend. No more entertaining cuddling or sleeping with her — even with his permission and consent.

If you want to date her, be forthright about that, and if you just want to date an appropriate girl who isn’t already taken, it sounds like you’ll have no trouble finding one! 😀

[dimy]

Thank you for your quick answer.

I already know better than to actually have sex with this girl. It’s asking for way too much trouble. Like you said there are other girls. I just wish I understood this better. What is on and off limits, what is a signal of what.

Plus, declining things with this girl is not easy like tearing up a stranger’s phone number. These are two of my closest friends. I have enough willpower but I wonder if it will make anything weird between us all.

I still have a hard time accepting she has sexual feelings for me. Would a she really have sexual contact in mind when she’s telling her BOYFRIEND she wants to go sleep in his best friend’s bed? (He’s generous and trusting and not jealous to me but sheesh!) Doesn’t it make more sense if she had innocent intentions? I didn’t even think I was her type. I can believe she wanted to cuddle up with me but I can’t get it through my head that she would have wanted me sexually touching or kissing her.

Or would she have stopped me if I made a non-platonic and sexual move on her, but secretly wanted it? But if you think that’s it, then why are you sure she has sexual feelings for me at all?

I’m just a dim bulb when it comes to this stuff. It’s not the first time I missed a big hint from a girl. I already made up my mind not to have sex with this girl but I want to make sense of things in my head.

[mollyhart]

I hug my 8 best friends and one of them is a guy but i only like him as a friend but his hugs are really good because his body is like a wall whereas my other 7 friends are like soft. So his hugs are extra unique so i enjoy this wall, but i only like him as a friend!

[April Masini]

Trust me — her intentions are sexual. As young adults, all three of you know that getting into bed with someone who is, as you put it, 2/3 naked, is not an exercise in sleep cycles! 😆 And you can play dumb with me (or yourself) all you want, but you’re not dumb. In fact the entire reason you wrote me is that you knew, deep down, that she was crossing a line with you and you were uncomfortable. I am NEVER the one who will lie to you: your best friend’s girlfriend has sexual feelings towards you. Deal with it.

Declining her advances may make things weird, but you forget that her cuddling with you and wanting to sleep with you were the first steps towards weird. Your declining her sexual innuendos and advances are the least weird thing in this scenario.

[dimy]

April your probably right and I’m fooling myself about her. I don’t know what she was going to do that night but its farther than it should go. If she makes another pass I will put the brakes on.

She may have stopped already. If my friend (her BF) told her not to do anything else like that with me then she probably won’t do anything else.

I’m not used to girls making moves on me so I guess I don’t see it coming. I just can’t believe it is THIS girl, she is almost like family. I thought she must see me more like an older brother than a lover. I guess I was wrong.

Thank you both for the advice.

[April Masini]

I’m glad I could help — and good luck! 😀

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