[relationshipa1]

I met a guy on match.com and we emailed for a couple of weeks before we met for the first time. We hit it off and have our third date coming up. He’s shy and nervous around me, but still very talkative and funny. He asked me out for our first date, but now he’s very indecisive and has a “whatever you wanna do” attitude. I know he’s interested in me, but as the girl I don’t want to be the leader at this early stage in our relationship. How do I encourage him to take the lead?

[Anonymous]

I suggest one of two ways, depending on his personality and what you think he’ll respond better to:

1. The direct approach. Let him know that you’d like him to take the lead and that you like that in a man. You can say in a serious tone, but for the first time I’d say it in a lighthearted way.

2. (Obviously) The indirect approach. Before your date, tell him on the phone you really like surprises and you really want him to surprise you. Make it a fun, playful thing to help him get over his nervousness.

BTW, his nervousness does confirm he likes you and seeks your approval. You can help him by sending reassuring messages (verbal and non-verbal) you like him too.

Hope this helps! Let me know how it goes.

[April Masini]

Well, SimonT has some great advice!

The best way to get a guy to take the lead is to sit on your hands, and not take it yourself. This may be uncomfortable for you if you’re used to taking the lead and getting things done. And if you are, and this guy turns out to be someone who’s super laissez faire in life, he may not be the right guy for you. But that’s EXACTLY why you should not take the lead — to see who this guy is, and get to know him better. When you do all the planning or the talking, you don’t get to really get to know him as well as if you “leave space” for him to show you who he is.

So try really hard not to take the lead, and decide if he’s a guy who can step up to the plate in a relationship, or if he’s just too indecisive for a take charge gal like yourself. It’s all about compatibility, and this is how you find out if you’re compatible with him. 😉

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