How to know where the relationship is going?

[April Masini]

You sound like you’ve really processed what’s going on, and the relationship has kind of run it’s course. You should be proud of yourself!

[123waterbottle]

Thank you! It was hard at first because I felt like there could have been something, but I have enough going on to worry about what could have been. Your advice is great and I will definitely keep checking back here and asking more questions as time goes on. 🙂

[April Masini]

Sounds good!

[123waterbottle]

I’m back again. 🙂 I am so frustrated right now. The guy from above and myself pretty much stopped talking. It was a here and there, how are you doing kinda thing. I decided to focus on myself like you said and just let what was between us fade out. Every few days he would text me and we’d talk for a bit and then nothing. Then last week he tells me that he wants things back to how they were before. When we used to hang out and have fun and it was simple and no worries. Which would be great, but I’m not into the whole idea that he’s still going to keep talking to other people so I just let things go. Didn’t really get into anything with him. Then he starts trying to tell me he misses us being together and so on. Anyways, I go about my life and we don’t see each other but talk here and there. He went to NY for Thanksgiving, which also happens to be his birthday. We talked a little the day before he left and then nothing. Then as soon as he gets off the plane he texts me that he made it to NY. I didn’t respond. On his birthday I did text him and I guess that opened the flood gates and he went back to how things were before all of this mess happened. So we text the rest of his vacation in New York and while he traveled back home. He texted me during his layovers and as soon as he landed. He was being super sweet and all. Then last night he goes out with his cousin, gets drunk, and starts texting me at 5am. He doesn’t ask for a hook up and never mentions sex, but he repeatedly texted me until 7am. Of course I was asleep and didn’t see it. So I respond when I wake up telling him it made no sense. He responds to me around 9ish, says he’s still awake. Passes out and then texts me at 12pm. Just basically says he woke up horny, he wants me to come over, then describes what he wants to do and so on. I responded with, “While being your drunk hook up friend sounds great, I’m busy.” and he got offended. Said how could I think he just wants a drunken hook up and that’s disgusting. So I tell him that’s exactly what it seemed like and it made me feel cheap and gross. He apologizes several times and then out of nowhere it turns into an argument. How could I think that of him, that’s not all he wanted, gross, ew. I tell him I get it, I know that’s not him, blah blah blah. Then he just flips out and tells me that “Who cares if I’m horny and hit you up? I’m not hitting everyone up. Ugh. Just figure it out ok?” Figure WHAT out? His response, “I don’t feel like explaining it to you.” So I’m completely confused, how no idea what is even going on at this point, and he isn’t bothering trying to explain anything to me. Just keeps telling me that talking to me is like talking to a wall. So I say, “I get it. I know that’s not what you meant and I said it’s fine. You want a friendship that has sex. I get it.” His response, “No. Ew. Just forget it. You don’t know a lot.” And now he’s just not responding to me and I have no idea what the fuck just happened. The second I assume that he wants more from me, he shuts down. The second I assume he wants just friends with benefits, he gets mad and shuts down. Why keep doing this to me? Why is it so hard to just say what you want from me?

Our chemistry was great and I hate that it has turned into this mess. He was a great person and I loved spending time with him. But I have been through too much to constantly have to deal with this mess. If he wants me to be just a friend, say it. If you want me to be more than a friend, say it. Because I’m to the point where I just want to block his number and move on with my life. What should I do?

[April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re back in your old pattern with him, and unhappy about it. 😳 I think you should stay off of Tinder if you want a meaningful relationship. 😉 Time for you to move on and play the field. Find other guys to date and don’t get involved with this guy any more.

I know you had great chemistry, but you started out wanting something fun, light and without commitment. Then you changed your mind. And that’s fine — but you can’t expect your Tinder date to change his mind along with you. It’s great that you know what you want. Now go be the girlfriend that gets the boyfriend you want. When you engage with a Tinder date, you’re not being that woman, and you won’t get that guy. You make the changes, and you’ll see a difference in who you attract. 😀

[123waterbottle]

Yeah, Tinder was a huge mistake and I’ve learned from it. Now if I could just remove him from my life things would be great. Thanks for your advice!

[April Masini]

It’s easier than you think — but you have to commit. Don’t take his calls. Don’t return his texts and don’t respond to his e-mails. That’s how you move on. 😉

[123waterbottle]

Starting that today. Especially since he started with the apologies for being rude again and I am so over that. I was able to cut off all ties with my ex before him, so this should be fine. Thank you again for all of your advice. You have been amazing!

[April Masini]

You’re very kind to say so.

I think you’ve got a great New Year’s resolution brewing! 😀

[ealltech]

You’re not a [url=http://www.wthr.com/story/30510160/passfeed-hookup-app-gives-you-types-of-hookup-girls]hookup[/url] crazy lady. You’re my friend, duh.” – He doesn’t know what he wants from me and I don’t like my emotions being toyed with. He’s not ready for a relationship, fine. I’m not ready to jump into a serious relationship either. But I don’t want to just have sex with him and have a friends with benefits relationship with him. I don’t get what he wants from me?

[April Masini]

Lots of people get involved with Tinder, not realizing that they’re entering a realm of hooking up.

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