You’ve got some control issues going on that you can work on. 😉 First of all, you’re very focused on marriage and this relationship working, and it would be more practical to see [i]if[/i] it works, not to try to force it work. Don’t restrict him — instead give him reasons not to want to stray…. and understand that if he does it’s either circumstantial (you’re in college, he’s in a different location) or he’s not ready for the commitment you’re ready for. Once you stop trying to force a situation and instead allow it to transpire, you’ll loose the stress and so will he. Of course…. you may not get what you want, but it won’t be a battle to the finish.
Next, try to understand and empathize with his career vector. It was your boyfriend’s choice to quit his job, and now it sounds like he’s struggling with unemployment and finding a career path that works for him. This is a big deal, and most men who are interested in marriage are interested in having their careers in place first. He may feel that you’re pushing him towards marriage before he’s ready, and that’s going to create friction in the relationship. So back off and be supportive, empathetic and hang back while he’s figuring out his job situation.
And finally, if you want to make him feel appreciated, compliment him. Send him little gifts and notes. Tell him how good he is at things — not how much he means to you, but how good he is. If he’s struggling with his career, he needs a support system — not a needy partner, and even if you’re justified in feeling needy, it’s not going to move things forward.
Hope that helps!
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