how to move forward and keep it from happening again

[relationshipa1]

My boyfriend and I were together for three years and we both got lazy started coasting and were not doing things we should have been. I brought this to his attention told him we needed to work on these things and get back on track he fought the idea at first then told me he would, later he admitted that he wasnt trying and didnt take it seriously but he would start now. This was not the first time he admitted that he didnt take what i said seriously. So I decided it would be best if we took a break which lead to me breaking up with him because understandably all that was on his mind during this break was when was I going to breakup with him, even though I explained many times that the purpose was for us to step back and get our relationship and lives going back in the right direction.It’s been 5 months since we broke up he has been there for me through the whole thing constantly telling me and the girl he dated for about a month that he loves me and that i am the one for him and working on what he needed to work on and Ive done the same so we have started dating again. The only problem is that while we werent together both of us started seeing another person. The person i was seeing i compeletly cut him out of the picture with out my the guy i had been with for three years even asking me to i dont speak to at all anymore i deleted his number not friends with him on facebook or anything else like that, but the girl he was seeing he had a hard time ending their “friendship” because he talked to her about the problems me and him were having and she talked to him about her problems they were there for each other and he is afraid of hurting her feelings. after talking with him and explaining that it would make me very uncomfortable if he continued talking to her or trying to be her friend he said he does understand and he did talk to her and tell her that he was with me now and that they couldn’t be friends. She was pissed called him an inconsiderate asshole and they haven’t spoke since that was a month ago. Until 2 days ago she sends him a message on face book saying she appreciated him being there for her before and that she was sorry for the way she reacted and that she hopes he is happy he responded similarly and said he hoped she was happy too. She replied that she wasnt but that she would be, he asked why that was and she said she was moving back where she use to live and going to probably get back with her ex husband, and that was said. So 2 days later now at 1am in the morning my boyfriend answers the door and shes there at our apartment(she didnt know that i moved back in and probably didnt think id be here) unannounced without any warning upset crying about a fight her and her brother got into(she first went to her boyfriends house and when he wasnt there she came here). when she sees me i can tell she becomes embarrassed and gets that oh shit look on her face and she apologizes for waking us up and she said she needed to use the phone and the internet he lets her in and after introducing myself i just watch polity in shock as she pours her pours her businesses out infront of me expecting my boyfriend to comfort her. he keeps a concerned look on his face and lets her use the internet and phone and makes the occasional comment like that sucks and asked a couple of questions. she leaves after 10 minutes apologizes again. now heres the other issue we live on the top floor in an apartment my little sister(the girl that he was seeing was friends with her and still is and that is how he met her in the first place)lives on the first floor directly below us. and yet this girl had the balls to walk up all those stair knock on his door thinking i wasnt there instead of going to my sister who is friends with her and was before. and my boyfriend says that the girl he was seeing didnt mean anything by it that there was no underlining meaning behind her showing up and she just needed to use the phone and computer.my sister was so pissed when i told her what happened she told me that that girl knows that she could have knocked on my sisters door and that she would have helped her because she has done it before. how do i get him to see the truth my sister also explained to him that there was meaning behind it and that made him think about it a little bit more but it still seems like he doesnt fully get it, or is he right about the situation. i just feel like i dont want some girl that he talked to or any girl using my boyfriend as a back up pity party when her boyfriend isnt there. For some reason my boyfriend feels sorry for her and i feel completely disrespected that she showed up knowing that he is with me now and that my boyfriend let her in and that she came in even after seeing me, i mean if she’d come in while i am there whats to stop her when im not there. what should i do? should i say something to the girl too?

[April Masini]

No, don’t say anything to the other woman. This is between you and your boyfriend.

It’s inappropriate for him to make you feel uncomfortable by keeping in touch during “boyfriend/girlfriend hours” like 1 a.m. with his ex-girlfriend. If you’ve told him how badly her presence makes you feel, and he doesn’t respect your feelings, it may be time for you to reconsider the relationship. I’m not sure why you broke up after dating for three years, but I suspect that similar issues were at play. He may not be ready for the kind of relationship you are.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url]. 😀

[Author]

Posts