Husband loves job more than family

[cdecaney]

my husband and I dated a year and a half, then found out I was pregnant. He proposed to me 2weeks later, and we got married the next month. He was still in the party and going to bars twice a week stage of life.. whereas I went through that very very early, and was ready to move on.
My husband had always dreamed of running his own fitness business and he decided he needed to open it then instead of waiting. He said he wanted to do this so he could spend more time with our son. Big. Mistake. Anyway, our son was born in January and he actually opened his business in June of the same year.
since opening his business, he is never home and our son and I never see him. He leaves at 4 AM and comes home at 10 PM.If he gets to come home early, I have to BEG him to say hi to our child. He has told me that he expects the house to be clean and to have food every night when he gets home. However, I work a full time job myself and I have to take care of the baby by myself because he is never home to do it and refuses to help when he is home. On top of all of that, all of his personality is at work.. how he used to be with me, he’s now that way with his clients and it’s like he leaves it there and comes home with nothing.
The past 2 weeks, I’ve just given up trying because nothing works.. so now He says that I put our child first and that he doesn’t matter and is turning it on me. There are several problems going on here.. but every time I talk to him, I’m in the wrong and I am crazy and acting psycho he says. I just need to know if it’s fixable or if I just need to plan for divorce.

[April Masini]

It sounds like your husband is trying to do the right thing, but deep down, he’s resentful that he’s married with a child and responsibilities. Some men throw themselves into work when they have a child because it’s what they know and it’s what they think they’re supposed to do. It sounds like you feel lonely and abandoned and you’re not happy with the way your new family is structured with your husband away so much. Then, on top of all that, you feel that your husband isn’t happy to see you and he’s not behaving with your child, as you had hoped. Basically, there’s a lot of disappointment happening — both in you and your husband.

Time for a truce. The reality is both of you are justified in your feelings. And you’re in a relationship and emotional rut. You need to change course in order to get your relationship and your family back in sync. Start with empathy. Instead of coming at him with complaints — come at him with love. Get a babysitter and make a date night — or a date weekend. You have to reboot and that means getting out of the house, out of your routine of disappointment and blaming, and have a glass of wine, and decide to be a partnership, not adversaries. Tell him how much you appreciate him and specifically why. Thank him for things he does for you and the child and your family together, and tell him you understand that sometimes he’s disappointed, but you really respect that he’s getting out there and taking care of things. This change in behavior is going to melt the ice between you. Take a breath and make a bucket list together, of everything you want for 2017 for each other, for your family together, and for yourselves. 😉

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