… I don’t know what to do.

[indestructible]

I’m pretty sure I posted this here before, but it’s been a while, and some things have happened in between. Let me refresh your memory. I’m a 20 year old guy; back when I was a kid, I met this girl in my class, and I fell for her instantly. I was too shy, though, and she never knew for years, until it was too late. When she did find out, we had some rather cute moments together, but she had to move away. :/ As I was entering high school, I tried to just let it go, but I felt so strongly for her, for so many years, it was SO hard. I couldn’t find any other girl I wanted to pursue, as sad as that may sound…

Well, about March of last year, by pure dumb luck, I stumbled on that girl from grade school’s MySpace page. I wrote to her, and she seemed surprisingly happy and excited to hear from me. We wrote back and forth for a few months, and I was learning about who she had grown to be, and my feelings for her started bubbling up again; and it wasn’t even just old childhood feelings, I really admired the way she had turned out as an adult. Unfortunately, I had to keep things at bay, because there were many issues that made things difficult; for one, despite living in a city not more than 15-20 minutes away from me, during the school year, she goes to a college that’s 1.5-2 hours away. Adding to that, at the time I got back in touch with her, she was in a fairly lengthy relationship.

Last summer, apparently her relationship started going south; she never talked to me about the guy, nor did I feel the need to inquire, but shortly before summer was ending, they broke up. I panicked, and quickly asked her about meeting up in person… That’s when things really started going downhill for me and her… She just never answered that message. It felt awkward, so I opted not to write her for a while. Then, this past Christmas, I decided to suck it up, and try to get back in touch with her, so I wrote her a nice little message wishing her a slightly late Merry Christmas. She surprisingly responded, and it seemed she was willing to start talking to me again. But then I started trying to write to her again, and she stopped writing to me again. Sad Admittedly, I, too, got a bit clingy/ needy.

Not too long ago, she amended her MySpace, noting that she wanted to start dating again, and wishes she could find her “perfect guy”; all the while, I was sitting here, reading that, thinking “HELLO! I think I could be a pretty good boyfriend if you’d look my way!”. Desperate to take one final shot, I wrote up a “final” message to send her; I acknowledged that I liked her when we were kids, and I said I couldn’t help be curious to see if there’d still be anything there. I told her I realized I had been weird with her in the past, but explained that I just wasn’t good with this online stuff, it wasn’t my “forte”, so to speak. I peppered in some humor to keep things upbeat, and I ended it by basically asking her once more if we could meet up in person some time, and take things from there. I sent that message about a month ago, and still no response. Sad

Emotionally, I’ve just been a mess, since then. No matter what I do, thoughts of her still keep creeping back into my head. Every once or twice a week, I still take a peek at her MySpace, dreading that I’ll eventually see that she has a new boyfriend that she’s crazy about, but surprisingly, she’s still managed to stay single after all this time. And I keep thinking, “what if…?”; part of me worries, what if, because of some computer error, she never actually got that big “final” message I sent her? What if it’s not me, specifically, but the fact that it’s too complicated right now, what with her being away at school? So far, she hasn’t deleted me from her friends list, and while that means absolutely nothing, for some reason, that fact makes me wonder if there’s still hope, some how. I just wish there was something I could do, something I could say… I’m trying to just accept it and “forget” about her, and for a while, I thought I was doing okay with that, but recently, for some reason, it just hit me so hard, and I haven’t been able to make it stop. At this point, I know there’s little to nothing I could actually do that wouldn’t make me look like some totally crazy, obsessed loser, but for some reason, I still remain hopeful. *sigh*

I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying my best to “get over” her, but nothing I do seems to do the trick. Even when I try to distract myself with other things, she’ll still pop into my head, in between. I guess maybe you have to “want” to get over some one, and… well, I guess I really don’t “want” to get over her. I had feelings for her for such a long time, I just don’t want things to end like this, yanno? But it’s not like there’s anything more I can do… It’s just, for some idiotic reason, I can’t stop myself from remaining hopeful about her, about this whole situation. :/

[joe2424]

Dude! Write her back, and just say “How have you been, it’s been awile!” I’ve noticed on MySpace that if you take too much time typing a message, it sometimes doesn’t go through when you send it. It may just of happened! I was writing my wife a poem, but kept getting distracted by phone calls, and other things. I had just left the screen open, and finished the message. I sent it, and she never got it. If she does contact you keep the conversations limited to small talk, and don’t come off as “clingy,” or tell her how much you want her. She obviously doesn’t feel the same way, or you scared her off. Play it cool this time around. Young people have no idea what they want! Believe me, I’ve been there, pursuing the uncatchable! Don’t you owe it to yourself to at least keep trying, I mean, without becoming a stalker! That long heartfelt message you sent was a mistake, it was not the right time for her, but at least you were honest with her. Hopefully, she’ll write you back, and you can resume your conversations, and if she doesn’t, at least you tried right?

[indestructible]

Well, I’m kind of in a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation, here… I really have no way of knowing for sure whether or not she got the message. If she DID get the message, me writing her would probably just look pathetic, wouldn’t it? But if she DIDN’T get the message, then I never really got to properly take my shot, and she never actually ignored it, and there still could’ve been something. :/ So, it’s a tricky situation. But I think I kinda know what you mean about messages on MySpace being kinda weird; a while back, when I was in high school, I sent a private message to some one I knew, just asking them something that wasn’t really that important, and they never answered back, nor did they ever indicate to me (in person) that they had gotten the message. So yeah, I’m kinda worried, now, that maybe she never got it, maybe this isn’t her ignoring me, and maybe it’s not quite over, just yet.

Thing is, though, it’s getting harder and harder to “contain” myself; what I mean is, I’ve spent the last year making “small talk” messages with her (save for the couple of more serious “wanna meet up?” messages), and it’s really gotten me nowhere, to the point of frustration. I also can’t help but wonder if maybe that’s why her interest level started dropping off, because I spent the year making “small talk” with her. :/ I want to keep writing to her, if there’s still a chance things could maybe work out between us, but it’s just hard to keep up writing the same “hey, how you doing?” messages I’ve been writing for ages, now.

[joe2424]

Okay, I got you. I just asked my wife what she thought, and here is what she said. She first asked if it was possible that she likes you back, and was being shy, maybe waiting for you to make your move? It also seems possible that she’s playing games? There is also the fact she may never have got your message. The wife suggests to go for it! Send this girl an email, and tell her that you want to ask her on a date, and you would be honored if she said yes. Confidence is an attractive quality to most women. You are obviously a sensitive guy, and that’s a good thing. Just don’t be too sensitive. Get off your butt, and do something about it! Life is way too short to live with regrets, or be wondering what if? What is the worse thing that’s going to happen? She doesn’t write you back, or tells you no thanks? You’ve got nothing to lose here. Is it possible to send her flowers, maybe to where she works?

My wife is going to write your email for you:

Hi (name)

I was just thinking about you, so I thought I’d send you a message, and it’s been way too long since our last chat don’t you think? How have you been? Things are good here. Hey, I noticed on your MySpace page that you were in search of the perfect guy? Well, I’m not perfect, but I would love to take you out sometime, and show you how imperfect I am! lol. Going by that last email I sent you already know! The email I sent may have been a little out there, but it’s what I was feeling at the time, and I’m just a dork like that. I didn’t mean for you to stop emailing me, that’s the last thing I wanted. So, let’s get together here in the near future, I miss our chats, and I’d like to hear how you’re doing! I know it’s an old cliche’, but I’d rather us be friends than to stop talking all together! Hope to hear from you soon!

There you go buddy! Keep me posted!

[indestructible]

Heh, well, I don’t know about sending flowers, or anything like that. Seems a little too much for some one I haven’t actually seen for so many years. I think I’m kind of walking on thin ice, here; I’m definitely persistent enough to try and see this through, but at what point does it become TOO persistent? I like the mock up e-mail message you included, and it sounds pretty good, but considering I just sent her a big message “putting it all out there” and everything not more than a month ago, are you very sure that wouldn’t further how bad I look in her eyes (if, in fact, she got that last message in the first place)? Silly as it sounds, but even if she rejects me, I don’t want her to forever think of me as some obsessed creepy stalker that just couldn’t leave her alone, yanno? I just wish I had a better view of how to draw the line.

As for whether or not she likes me and is being “shy”, eh, I can’t really see that. Based on what I’ve gotten to know from her online, she seems like a fairly sociable, outgoing girl; I doubt she’s waiting for me to make any kind of move, because, well, heh, I already tried making a move twice, now. Here’s something interesting to note, though; back when we were first writing, I had stupidly made an offhand comment about seeing her again some time in the future, and she responded positively at the time. Then when I was more direct about asking to meet up, that’s when she started flaking out. Seemed a little weird, to me. Anyway, she also doesn’t seem the type that “plays games”, but I guess one can never be too sure. :/

So, like I said, I want to keep going with this if there’s any chance left for me and her at all, but I don’t want to cross the line too much that she forever has a bad image of me. I suppose if I DO send that message you posted, I should probably wait a few weeks; reason is, being that she’s currently away at school, she’s probably getting ready for finals, and then preparing to come home for the summer, and me sending that kind of a message right now would probably just get lost in the mix. Probably better off sending it mid-May, early June, I’d think.

[indestructible]

Ever get that message I sent ya, joe?

[April Masini]

How did things work out? If you have any more questions… I’m happy to help. 😉

[Author]

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