I don’t know what to do…

[relationshipa1]

So, I met the guy I am with this time last year. We got engaged three months after we got together. Then, we moved in together. It all seemed great in the beginning. We never ever fought which I loved. Now, we seem to bicker almost everyday. I am constantly depressed. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore with him. I am extremely stressed all of the time.
Whenever I want to hangout with my friends, weather he knows he is doing it or not, he makes me feel bad about leaving him there alone. I’m not allowed to talk to any guys and when I mention a guy I used to hang out with, he asks me if I slept with him.
I haven’t graduated high school yet, so I am trying to figure out a way to get my diploma. I would prefer the actual diploma over a GED so I talked to him about it and he doesn’t want to going back to normal high school because he thinks I’ll find someone else.
I tell him that I won’t but he doesn’t seem to believe me.
He and my mother don’t get along at all. My mom is always trying to get us to break up which makes my guy not like her. He doesn’t even like it when I talk to her on the phone. God forbid I ask to visit her for more than three days..

We did break up once before.
It wasn’t even for a full 24 hrs.
I was visiting my mother and I was talking to her about him and she kept telling me how much happier I would be without him. So, I started to believe it.
I broke up with him and all I could do that night was lay in a dark room crying.
When I begged for him to take me back, he said that if I ever do it again, he wouldn’t give me a second chance.
So, I’m scarred that if I do break up with him, it will be the biggest mistake of my life.

I know that I love him..
But I also feel like if we were not living together then our relationship would have ended a while ago.
I don’t think we have that spark anymore.

Also,
You also have to keep in mind that I am only 17 and he is 23.

[April Masini]

Breaking up with your fiance will not be the biggest mistake in your life — staying with him will.

First of all, at 17, you’re too young to be dating a 23 year old. In fact, having sex with him in many states constitutes statutory rape. You’re a legal minor. He’s an adult. He is taking advantage of you, and the fact that he wants a teenager for a girlfriend and wife tells you that there is something wrong with him. He could go to jail, and you could wind up in state custody since your mother allowed you to live with him.

Second of all, you should not be living with ANY boyfriend regardless of their age, when you are only 17. You need to be living with your parents or parent and going back to high school to finish REGULAR classes, not getting your GED. You need to go to football games, proms and hang out with other kids your own age.

Third of all, you are too young to get married.

Fourth, regardless of your age, you should not get engaged TO ANYONE after three months. As you now know, that’s not enough time to get to know someone and find out who they really are. Thank goodness you didn’t marry him already.

So, here’s your job: You need to go back home to your mom today. She is right. Your boyfriend is a dangerous guy who’s trying to control you, and he’s succeeding. Take back your power as a young woman and do the right thing. Tomorrow, go back to high school and ask the guidance counselor how you can re-enroll immediately. It doesn’t matter if you have to do an extra year or summer school to catch up. Do it.

Once you’re back, living with your parents or parent, no more dating guys who are in their 20s when you’re a teen. Cultivate friends who want to have age appropriate fun and success and stick with that group.

I hope after reading this post, if you still don’t know what to do, you follow my directions anyway. Your boyfriend is a loser who has a screw loose for wanting to date, live with and marry a teenager. Don’t fall into his trap. Go home, get back in school, and then write me with any other questions so I can help you stay on track.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have internet access for the past week so I didn’t get your advice until now.
I ended up breaking up with him on New Year’s Eve.
New Year’s Day I got back together with him…
We had a long talk and we both said that we’d work on things.
But then, a few days later, he said he wanted me to guarantee him that I won’t leave him again.
At first, I told him that I wouldn’t do that because I don’t know what the future holds for either of us.
He got really upset so I told him that I wouldn’t.

I’m still really confused.

Like, I am torn in both directions.
On one hand, I want to be with him because I love him.
But then on the other hand, I want to be out with my girl friends and not have to worry about calling someone to check in.

[katdawg]

Oh my gosh really? What about college? What about continuing your education? Why are you worrying about making life easier and “safer” for a 23 year old adult by giving him assurance you won’t leave him? It should be the opposite. At seventeen it is easy for your heart to overtake your still growing mind. I was sixteen dating a nineteen year old. In my case I didn’t have interactive parents; my parents were too busy fighting with one another to pay attention to what their daughter was up to. Whatever your situation is…what do your parents think about your boyfriend? Do they like him or approve of him and encourage you to be with him? You’re only seventeen with a lot of life ahead of you. You are going to live your life the way you want and follow your own path, but you will save yourself a lot of heartache by listening to April’s advice. Take it from a thirty-seven year old who has been in your shoes but has been through a lot of hardship to get to where I am. Save yourself from that and get out of that relationship now. It will be hard and it will be painful but YOU WILL have a lot more loves in your life trust me.

[Aleeciya111]

First of all, congratulations for acknowledging all your doubts. I think you need to realise, this guy seems totally insecure and he is holding you back from not only beeing happier in yourself and your future, but also in breaking your supports with your family. This is not love, him seeing you struggling to find the positive points in the relationship, when he knows he is responsible for not letting you live your life and you being unhappy . If a close friend told you all the same stuff was happening with them, that is happening to you, would you tell her to stay? It will hurt when you break up, but it will pass! See your friends, learn about yourself, laugh, go back to school, go out, be your age. At 17 your head is no way near what a 23 year olds is.It might be worth ringing a free counselling service or talking to some one you trust, and having a few numbers for your boyfriend, because honestly something is not right there, if he is so reliant on you and is trying to make you promise you wont leave him! If you stay with him, you are only going to resent him later on for all he is making you miss out on now. Good luck , be strong and kick him to the kurb!

[April Masini]

Please re-read my post.

I’ll quote what I wrote you last week at the end of my advice:

[i]I hope after reading this post, if you still don’t know what to do, you follow my directions anyway. Your boyfriend is a loser who has a screw loose for wanting to date, live with and marry a teenager. Don’t fall into his trap. Go home, get back in school, and then write me with any other questions so I can help you stay on track.[/i]

Since you’re still confused, try following my advice. I don’t think you’ll regret it. Just do it! I know it’s hard, but if you don’t, you’re going to continue to feel confused, depressed, and isolated. 😥 You have to break your pattern.

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