I keep wondering what happened

[happyday]

I met a guy on line and dated for 8 months. He wasn’t with anyone for a year before we met. After a few weeks we declared our love and were exclusive. We never fought. In the beginning we would see eachother one night a week and on weekends. Then he told me it was hard for him to go out during the week because he was tired after work. Then he started slacking off on the weekends because he needed personal time to do things. Then one day right on my birthday, he sent a text dump “You’re too nice and attentive and I need too much personal space..it won’t work.” I was shattered. I called him trying to get a conversation to see if we could work it out. Nope. No response..nothing. The very next day after he sent the text he went right back on the dating site and in his post asking for a “real relationship.” Now this guy is 38 and lives at home with parents. He also works for their company. He took me to the house 1x when they were not there. He never slept over..only once. Would never ever make a dump in the toilet at my place..always went home to do that…is that odd??? The year before when he was alone, he was into porn, video gaming and had gone out on a few dates before me but no chemistry. I kept asking via text was there something wrong that I did. Nothing. I just wish I had the proper break-up conversation. He wouldn’t even come to pick up his things. I boxed everything and left it with a friend of his. I am left hurt, confused and very sad. He switched up his profile on line and is now looking for a younger woman who has different eye color than mine, it’s ok if she occassionally smokes (I know he doesn’t like that, no answer to is it ok if she has kids (and I know he doesn’t want to be with a woman who has kids,) not sure if he wants kids (when he told me he doesn’t.) Is he just a messed up individual or just playing games with women out there?

[April Masini]

Who cares about him? He dumped you by text. 😯 On your birthday! 😥

I don’t think you should waste [i]one more minute[/i] wondering about him. He isn’t worth it.

As far as figuring out what happened, it’s unfair of you to start tearing him apart [i]now[/i], and hyper-analyzing all the weird things about who he is and what he did and does, when in fact, [i]you[/i] fell in love with him and allowed yourself to be exclusive to him after only a few weeks.

If anything, you probably weren’t discriminating enough about who he was before you declared your love for him and made yourself exclusive. You need to see yourself as a grand prize that men should [b]be lucky[/b] to win! If after only a few weeks, you decided you were in love, my guess is that not only was there not enough of a chase for the prize involved, you didn’t really pay attention or try to get to know who he was before allowing him to have you. Possibly, you didn’t know what you wanted. But now, you can. 🙂

The truth is, you’re hurt because he broke up with you, and you’re just looking for reasons to blame him or make his character and his behavior the reason for his breaking up with you. The reality is that he did you a favor. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You want to be with someone who [i]adores[/i] you! He’s given you the opportunity to find Mr. Right without wasting one more second.

So heal your wounds and focus on yourself — not him. He’s your past. You are your future — and so is Mr. Right, who’s still out there for you! 😛

I’d recommend my book, Think & Date Like A Man, for you right now. (You can get it at this link [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]) I think this is a really good time for you to read it because it will help you rebuild yourself and start to figure out what you want from a man, and how to get it. You’ll learn about how dating is a numbers game, and that you have to get up to bat many, many times, in order to hit that grand slam out of the park. Mr. Right is out there — but the book helps you determine what he looks like so you don’t waste your time with guys who are so tasteless that they’d break up with you by text, on your birthday. Yikes! 😕

I know you’re hurt, but believe me, you dodged a bullet on this one. You’re going to be much better off without Mr. Wrong.

Forget your ex-boyfriend, and move on with your own life. It’s going to be fabulous because you’re going to learn from this last mistake how to do better next time. 😀

[optimistvik]

Dont waste your time by thinking about him. be cheerful and start thinking of a way to make yourself happy. 🙂

[happyday]

Thanks for the advice….it’s just so haunting that we had no closure conversation. I didn’t think he was like that and I hate to feel like things were left on such a bad note….”text note” that is. I don’t know how I will react if I see him around and hate to feel uncomfortable. I have always been able to conclude relationships with honor and respect for the other person with at least a conversation. It stings.

[optimistvik]

Just forget this issue ever happened in your life and start moving… all the best..

[April Masini]

Life is full of all kinds of people! 🙄 And while [i]you’re[/i] honorable enough to end relationships with well mannered closure, not everyone else is! 👿 This text message break up was a very bad manner, and a sign of this guy’s bad breeding and lack of consideration.

Next time, choose someone with better manners! 😉

And when you do see him around, [i]you[/i] take the high road. Just because he’s a text message dumper doesn’t mean you have to be anything but your best self. Say hello, be polite, be brief, and smile as you turn and walk away. You don’t have to slump to other peoples’ standards. 💡 You can raise the bar in social situations all by yourself. I think that will make you feel a lot more comfortable if you see your ex one day.

Hope that helps!

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