I like him but I don’t want to be in a relationship

[sung4801]

I need your advice!

I met this guy over 6 months ago. We went out on a few dates and we like each other. I was out of country for 3 months and during that time he made sure to email me everyday. But It was not clear to me what his intention was or perhaps I didn’t want to know. I mean I didn’t have sex with him for so long that it could be because he wanted to have sex with me. After I came back from 3-month overseas trip, we became a lot closer.

Now, I’ve slept with him twice so far and he texts me numerous times a day and for the past week, he has been calling me at night. He also asked me if I wanted to go on a trip with him and his parents which I said no to.

The problem is I don’t like to be in a relationship. I love being single so much and I am having a blast. I mean I like him and I really enjoy hanging out with him but I don’t want to be anyone’s girl friend at this moment in my life. I’ve had a few boy friends in my life and never enjoyed being someone’s girl friend. Eventually, I want to get married and settle down but not now.

How can I say this to him? I really dont want to hurt his feelings because I really like him and he has been nothing but nice to me.

Thanks!

[kitkat620]

“I love being single so much and I am having a blast. I mean I like him and I really enjoy hanging out with him but I don’t want to be anyone’s girl friend at this moment in my life. I’ve had a few boy friends in my life and never enjoyed being someone’s girl friend. Eventually, I want to get married and settle down but not now.”

I think the answer to your question is in the paragraph you had typed above. It’s simple, honest and to the point without being hurtful. It’s better to let him know now what your intentions are than risk hurting him more later on.

[ebonypittman88]

hi kitkat620,
You are really in trouble. You lead this guy to false hope. I bet he thinks that you also have feelings for him. Your action speaks even if you don’t utter words of love to him.
Why not try to give chance to be his girl friend, maybe he is the one you’re looking.

[April Masini]

You can either tell him — or you can just make sure that your behavior is consistent with what you want. One way or another, he’s going to figure out that you really care about him, but aren’t ready to get married or be monogamous. Just don’t lie or lead him to believe something that isn’t true by being manipulative. 😉

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[sung4801]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

I just could not find the right moment to tell him. Ok, there is never the right time, however, he is going through a major lawsuit and he is so nervous about it. I really can’t tell him at this moment when he needs me the most. I care about him and I sincerely want to be there when he wants to talk.

On the other hand, I am very firm on my belief. I really do not want relationship although he is so sweet to me and I like to see him for the time being. I am basically waiting for him to make mistakes, so I can naturally let him go. He has an ego so I would rather have him dislike me or think that he dumped me rather than the other way around. I just don’t want to hurt him.

What should I do? I am not manipulative but if I continue this, I would be a manipulative person regardless of my intent.

[April Masini]

Life is full of hurt, and if you think you can insulate someone from hurting them, you’re wrong. You don’t want to hurt him by telling him the truth because it will hurt him, but if you don’t, you’re going to be someone who is manipulative and untruthful — and that will hurt him. More.

Sometimes you have to choose the right thing — even when there is hurt involved. There will always be stressors like law suits, job issues, family conflicts — and you can use them as excuses not to do the work you have to do — or you can roll up your sleeves and do what needs to be done.

“It’s not you, it’s me….” is one of the oldest break up lines in history — but it’s cliched because it works. You don’t have to break up with him, but you can be genuine in your intentions and let him make the decision whether to stay or go. 😉

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[sung4801]

You are so absolutely right, Thanks for your advice!!!

[April Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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