I need advice…

[midwestcutie]

I have been with this man for about 7+ years…he has been abusive both verbal and physical…was in love with him and he did cheat on me. I left him for a bit but he tracked me down and wanted me back. I met someone else who also drinks but is a happy drunk and is good to me. The first guy has said he will change and is really trying but I am not sure I am in love with him anymore and can;t stop thinking about the other guy….and he is where my heart is but I do not want to hurt the first guy and wonder if my life would be better with him? I am so confused. Do you think you can fall back in love with someone again?

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[firstandlast_name]

I had a cousin in the same position. She went back to the first guy and he beat their kid pretty badly. After about 6 months they got back together again after his promises of change, yet he again became abusive to her. I agree he has changed, but the change is not permanent. it will probably only last a month or so if that long. And who cares if you hurt him, he hurt you repeatedly didn’t he? He lost his chance with you, follow your heart.

[The_Jester]

Remember – there’s a difference between loving someone, and loving an idea.

For you it sounds like the latter.

Anytime you require someone else to change in order to be happy with them (i.e. stop drinking, stop being abusive, etc.) it’s already over.

You’re worth more than this so don’t treat yourself like you must endure such chaos in order to be loved. If the temptation continues, you might need to seek some professional guidance from a therapist but investing in yourself is always a good thing.

[someoneinaustx]

The broader question instead of the one you posted, is why do you associate yourself with people like this? Abusive? A Good Drunk? People say that you are judged by the company you keep, and it sounds like you are making very poor decisions. Start taking some pride in yourself and change your scene. Demand better of yourself and others. Life is short and there is no reason to spend it living that way.

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

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