[goldens]

I really need advice here. He and I were talking on the phone, and he was just joking around, and he said yeah I want you , he said this in a joking way, so it made me feel like he doesn’t want me. Yet, when I see him in person, he does seem to want me. I got very upset with him over this. Should I have gotten upset with him?

[April Masini]

It’s really hard to answer your question with so little information, but here goes: Actions speak louder than words. If your boyfriend wants you, he’s going to act like he wants you. He’ll call you; he’ll make plans to see you; he’ll treat you nicely when you’re together; he’ll introduce you to his friends and family, and you should be able to tell from this behavior that he really wants to be your boyfriend!

I don’t know how long you have been his girlfriend or how well you know him — or his sense of humor. Sometimes a person’s sense of humor is weird. You’re going to have to figure out what he means when he jokes around by telling him you really don’t get the joke, and could he explain it to you. While you may feel like an idiot asking him to decipher his jokes, at least you’ll understand what he meant by the joke, when he explains it, and eventually you’ll understand his joke language so you’re not confused. 😆

Hope that helps!

[goldens]

My question wasn’t whether or not he wants to be my boyfriend, I know he wants to be my boyfriend. He would explicitly told me if he didn’t want to, we have been dating for a few years. My question was more along the lines, of in person he seems to want me physically, sexually, but over the phone he was kidding around and he said he wanted me in a joking way, since he said this, it made me feel like he doesn’t want me physically anymore, so am I right in this thinking? Should I have gotten mad at him? Yes he does make an effort to see me a huge one, that is one reason I love him.

[April Masini]

Hmmm….there’s nothing in your prior post that states this guy is your boyfriend. I love helping my readers, but you’ve got to clue me in on the facts! 😉

Since you’ve now filled in the story for me, I think my original advice, or the idea behind it, still stands. [i]Actions speak louder than words.[/i] If your boyfriend behaves a certain way, but every now and then confuses you with his words, whether they’re jokes or miscommunications, you should weight his behavior much more heavily.

The fact that your boyfriend joked about wanting you on the phone, but acts like he wants you in person really means that the two of you just didn’t click when it came to his joke. I’m not sure why that would make you mad unless you were already having a bad or stressful day, and this was just, like, the last straw in misunderstandings that had occurred that day. Otherwise, I’d think you’d look at the big picture, that your boyfriend of several years loves you and wants you, and he made a dumb joke.

Forget it. It wasn’t a big deal. Don’t make it one.

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