I need an outside prospective.

[relationshipa1]

Where to start? I met this guy five years ago. We instantly fell in love, moved in together and so on. We have always had a problem with his baby’s mother. She used to threaten to never let him see her if I didn’t go. And because his daughter and I are close I always left and tried to not be a burden. He always comes back and this time we’ve moved to California for work. She never lets him see his daughter. He’s always trying to “save my feelings” (his words and not mine) and when he sees his daughter he pretends his mom orchestrates it and he never see’s his baby’s mother which is his choice not mine. My only concern is the honesty factor. After five years of him lieing to me everytime… I seem to maybe not trust him as much. But onto where I need advice. This man is wonderful and we get along great and are an unstoppable team in work and other areas, BUT honesty and loyalty are my main must-haves. And recently he got to visit his daughter three days after her birthday and swore his baby’s mother wasn’t around but I seen pictures of her at her bday party .. And got verbal confirmation from several family members. And now I’ve caught him in another lie. He said he was staying at his dad’s house and that his mom’s house where his daughter and baby’s mother stay (while in town) was too small. And now Everyone said he’s been staying there everynight. I don’t know what to do. I love him.I want him to be my husband. I want him to be the father of my children. I just want an honest relationship. Do you think that I’m acting overboard? Overthinking it maybe? Please help time is running out and I feel like I should leave him before he get’s home from this visit. >!

[April Masini]

I don’t know how old you are, or where his daughter and her mother live, but five years is a long time to invest in a relationship that isn’t more solid and I think you’re coming to a crossroads. Your concerns about his dishonesty are very valid — and no, you’re [i]definitely[/i] not overreacting. The problem you’re reporting is his possible infidelity — staying at his ex’s house to see his daughter — and her. But the bigger problem is his not getting his ducks in a row to be an available, ready to commit, single guy! A guy who’s ready to be with someone else gets divorced and gets a custody order so he has legal rights to see his child that are enforceable. By not getting a court ordered custody schedule, he’s stayed engaged with his ex. A custody schedule would make it impossible for her to blackmail him with his daughter’s visitation and it would be one less place for him to lie to you and for the two of you to get into disagreements. In addition it would give he and his daughter a consistent schedule of visits so he can be a responsible and influential presence in her life.

It’s time for you to realize that he isn’t interested in being honest with you and he isn’t interested in getting married — if he was, you’d see different behavior from him by now.

I’m sorry this is hard for you, but I hope that next time you fall instantly in love, you’ll stop yourself and get to know him and his values better so you don’t get too involved with someone who isn’t Mr. RIght. 😳

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