I need help

[drmaqyn13]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. In both of our cases this has been the best relationship we’ve ever had. We were both extremely scared to start a relaitonship because we had both been hurt and didn’t want to go down that road again, but we took a risk anyway. When we were first together he told me he had an ex-girlfriend of about 6 years, on and off again all through highschool and after. He said that she completely traumetized him, cheated on him, treated him horribly, and basically messed with his head. He told me he never wanted to deal with that ever again. That he appreciated so much that we could talk and that I was so good to him. We said “I love you” about three months in, and that just made everything even better, we were best friends but we were in a relationship, we communicated, everything was perfect. Then about 3 weeks ago we got in a huge fight, basically over nothing, but when we talked about it I said that I was feeling like he was pushing me away and that it was over, and he said “Why would you think that? I’m not doing that at all I love you” and we talked worked everything out, and we were mostly back to normal. Things were still a little off, but he was being very loving, and being the person I knew. Then he started getting somewhat distant, not being mean to me or wierd with me when he was in front of my face, but being wierd when I would call him or text him. I wanted to talk to him about it but everytime I was going to bring it up he would go back to normal again so I never did. This past Saturday we spent the night together and I was feeling very angry and frustrated and I was planning on talking to him but his friend was at his house and I didn’t get a chance to bring it up. I was going to leave and go home but he begged me to stay with him and cuddled with me all night. Not letting me go. The next day he was still being normal when we woke up so I didn’t really think anything of it. Then, I texted him and apologized for being wierd and said that I was just tired and I had found out my grandpa was in the hospital and I was just upset, I never got a response. Then an hour and a half later he texted me and said “Will you please bring my Xbox to work…” because we work at the same restaurant. I got pretty upset, it bothered me that I apologized, said what was wrong, and got nothing back but a request to bring his video game consol to work so he can take it home. I brought it but I was mad. When he got to work he came up to me and grabbed my arm and in a completely joking way he said “Did you bring my Xbox punk?” I pushed him off, gave him a dirty look and walked away. I know that was probably pretty dumb. We didn’t talk much the rest of the shift but it was me ignoring him not the other way around. Then when I left I asked him to walk me out, and he said he felt very dizzy and nauseas and he looked horrible, he was pale and sweaty and just didn’t look good at all. He walked me out and it got worse, and it looked like he was trying to catch his breath and I told him to relax and he needed to drink water. I apologized for my behavior that night, he said I’ll talk to you later, and walked back inside work. I really didn’t think much of it at the time, I just thought he had food poisoning or something. I go about my night, and I met up with another friend from work later, and he told me that when my boyfriend left his eyes were bloodshot, he said he threw up, and that he had to go home and couldn’t come out to the bar we all hang out at. My friend is kind of a jerk so when my boyfriend told him that he joked and said “You probably have aids” and my boyfriend got upset and said “Thats not f**kin funny” which is not a normal reaction for the comments my friend says. He told me he was very worried about my boyfriend and that I should probably call. I did and there was no answer, I left a message told him if he needed me I’d be there. No problem. To make a very long story short, the next day I went in to my work to eat randomly I didn’t have work I just decided to go in, and I was told that the night before my boyfriend had gone to a birthday party at a restaurant, got there at around 12 and was with his ex-girlfriend the one I talked about in the beginning. I lost my mind. I called him a hundred times that night, he never answered because I am sure he was terrified that I found out. When I finally heard from him yesterday he texted me and said I’m sorry… and I’m not doing anything (as in I’m not cheating on you because I accused him of it) but we should talk shit is complicated do you have today off? I responded not well because he caught me in the middle of a crying fit because I was so furious and scared, and we didn’t talk yesterday but we’re supposed to talk today. What could all this mean? And what do I do? Should I walk away no matter what he tells me? Or should I try and make this work?

[joe2424]

Ah, to be young again. Ok, so he faked being sick to hang out with his ex at a party? Did I read that right? This post was kind of hard to follow, but it sounds like you’re dating a boy and not a man. If he was actually sick it was probably stress! First, six months in a relationship is not crap! You are both still getting to know each other, and while strong feelings may exist, you both sound young, and have yet to live through life’s trials and tribulations. Love is way more than a feeling, it’s also actions. I’m not saying to give it up, but it’s important to learn from mistakes, both yours and his. The truth is, just by going by what you have said, he’s seeing his ex again, and has been in contact with her for a while without you knowing it. If you keep “blowing up,” at him, he’s going to feel the need to hide that stuff from you, because he is doing wrong, and he knows it. This situation should’ve never happened in the first place. If he intended to go back with his ex, he needed to break up with you first, or at least let you know he wants to be friends with her if that’s the case. Being open and honest is the recipe for a healthy, long lasting relationship. He wanted to spare your feelings because he knew how you’d react to him having contact with his ex. Someone who is ready to be in a committed relationship would’ve not tried to hide anything from you, he would have sat you down, and told you exactly what was going on. This dude is a weak chicken. Second, the minute he knew your family member was in the hospital, there should’ve been a phone call no matter what he was doing, or who he was with. Here is what I have learned in life so far when it comes to relationships. Treat people like you want to be treated. Have fun, life is too short. A strong relationship is not 50/50, it’s 100/100, and takes work sometimes. If someone is going to do you over, then that is exactly what is going to happen. There is nothing you can do about it. You move on, and start dating someone who will treat you like you deserve. The past is the past, and being scared to start a new relationship will only help you pass up somebody really great. Only you know the answer on whether or not to work it out with him. Trust you gut, it’s usually right! Good luck!

[JesseKim]

I think you need to find some facts like was he sick or did he fake it, why didnt he answer your calls, and why was he with her? And make your decision based on his responses

[drmaqyn13]

Doesn’t matter anymore, he is weak chicken, and a pathetic excuse for a man. We are through. :]

[relation]

Yeah you need to be strong to fight it off… Good to read u hv made your way…

[April Masini]

It sounds like there is some unfinished business. It would be nice for you and your boyfriend to have a talk where you can find out from him what’s really going on. If he went to a party “with” his ex-girlfriend as his date, then that’s pretty bad for your relationship. If he went to a party and his ex-girlfriend happened to be there also, that’s not nearly as bad. But if he went to the party and his ex-girlfriend showed up, not as his date, but he didn’t tell you he was going to the party or didn’t invite you too, because he wanted to see his ex-girlfriend without your being there, then that’s not good for your relationship, either.

But the bigger problem is the communication between the two of you. Text messaging, IMing, chat rooms, and other electronic messaging is really great — but when you’re upset, the best way to “talk” is face to face. It sounds like you and your boyfriend need a long talk together face to face.

If you can clear up any rumors and miscommunications, and then work on your communication skills with your boyfriend, then you guys can move on together. Communicating is a practice. Just because you can talk and type doesn’t mean you’re good at communicating. Saying what you mean, listening well, and responding without overreacting or acting out, are all easier said than done, but they’re what we all have to strive for for good relationships.

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