I want her back

[amuzze]

Me and my ex were together for a year. then one night she breaks up with me and says she’s never coming back and she ended up doing stuff with her ex boyfriend. i ended up doing things with another girl that night. eventually me and her get back together. two weeks later she finds out i did something with another girl and she broke up with me. time goes by and she starts dating someone else and it breaks me. a month and a half goes by and for a couple weeks i decided to just completely ignore her. she was still with the new guy though. so after a couple weeks of not paying attention to her she comes to my house and says “oh i don’t want to be with this guy anymore because i’m sill in love with you” this and that. the thing was i started ignoring her completely because right before i started doing that she came back and was confessing her love for me and said she was gonna break up with the new guy but eventually didn’t
so basically after ignoring her she’s coming back for the SECOND time saying this stuff
so i just went ahead and said “look break up with him right now” she did. we ended up reconnecting and having sex and she was telling me that i’m the one for her now and she’s completely sure of it. so not even a day later everything just changes. she starts being short and saying she feels pressured. she literally went from “I love you more than anything” to “let’s not even talk today” i don’t understand. she still hangs with a guy she broke up with so that’s annoying. i want her back, help?

[April Masini]

In your pre-posting questionnaire, you said that you’re 19 and she’s 18 and the two of you have been dating for about a year, so you have to understand that a lot of the behavior you’re seeing from your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend has to do with her simply being a teenager. There’s a wide scope of maturity and behavior for teenagers and one of you may be very mature, the other one not so much — all at the same age range. So it will help if you can adjust your expectations for her, as well as yourself. Sometimes behavior you don’t like comes from a lack of experience and sometimes it’s just the result of hormonal surges creating emotionally-based behaviors. Teenage life in general is complicated. 😉

That said, she’s made her erratic dating choices known to you, and while you don’t like them, step back and accept them. She’s letting you know with her actions that she’s all over the map. You can’t take her word because it’s not that she’s being dishonest — she’s just erratic in the romance department. I know you want her back, and you want her back under your terms (monogamy and clarity), but she’s not ready for that and if you push for that, she’s going to push back because she feels pressured to do something she’s not ready for.

I know this is disappointing, but it’s much better to get clarity and then make decisions from there. You want commitment. She’s not ready. If you stay, expect more of the same, given what you know.

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