[relationshipa1]

You’ve all heard the lifetime story, teenage girl meets guy online who is handsome, charming and everything a girl wants. She meets him in real life and it turns out he’s a predator or serial killer. I’d hear those stories and roll my eyes at said girls guillibility but, open mouth insert foot, I think I want to spend my life with a man whom I’ve only seen face to face via web cam!

All right, I’m legally an adult and intend on starting to date him face to face in two years, if the dating goes well, wait another year or so, and if we click as well in real life as we do online, I want to marry him. We seem to be compatible in every way that matters, sexual preferences, religion, work, money, and he isn’t startlingly Perfect, He’s chubby and has a horrible taste in Pizza toppings. The thing is, Even though I’m only eighteen, I look forward to being a housewife. I’ve never liven alone and I don’t think I’d like it, and I don’t expect marriage to be a fairytail. if your not in love when you marry, you can make love happen, and he does give me joy when we talk and see each other. I think he’d be a wonderful mate. He’s never pressured me and promised to wait, so I doubt he’s a predator.

What do you more experianced women think about this situation? I’m 18, a virgin, and have been in only one face to face commited relationship. Any advice?

[April Masini]

It’s very sweet that you have a life plan. In fact, knowing what you want is a great idea at any age, so I commend you for that.

But….what you need to understand now that you are a legal adult because of your age, is that you have the opportunity and the responsibility to yourself to experience real life situations and test out your life plan and your dreams in real life before committing. It’s great to be compatible with someone online and have an online relationship, but online dating, in person dating and marriage are very different, and you’ll learn a lot about other people and yourself as you get out in the world and experience different things.

For instance, you may find that your plan needs “tweaking” when you meet someone in real life who you want to date, other than your online guy. In fact, the same could happen to him. After dating him for a while you may find out things about his past that he hasn’t revealed to you yet. They may change your mind about spending your life with him. You may find that having a job is really exciting to you and earning your own money makes you feel good, and that you’d like to have a job or a career before or while you’re married. In fact, you may prefer to have a job so you can pay a cleaning person to do the housewife chores for you! Or, you may just be a committed and fulfilled housewife, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as you and your husband agree that’s the best thing for your marriage.

So have your plan, but be prepared for things to change, and for you to make adjustments and roll with the punches and the surprises that life is certain to throw your way.

Your idea that love can come as a marriage grows is a half-good idea. Love does come and go, and it changes shape and there are phases to love and commitment in a marriage. Excitement wanes, and it takes work to keep things fresh in the marriage. But it’s a good idea to have relationship building blocks when you chose a mate. In other words, choose a man you can respect, and who respects you. This is a really good basic quality to look for in a partner. It helps love grow. If you don’t respect someone, you’ll never love them. You’ll maybe lust for them, but it won’t be mature love. Character is very important in a person during a long term marriage or relationship in which love grows, too. Mutual goals for the future are important to foster love’s growth, and family compatibility is also a potential source of support — or chaos. Many couples split up because their family doesn’t approve of their spouse — and this happens to 20 year olds, 30 years olds, 40 year olds and 50 year olds. Age doesn’t always make a person mature and it doesn’t change the fact that if his family doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you in the family you’re in for a bumpy ride.

As for predators and serial killers online, of course this is the stuff of television movies, BUT, it does happen in real life, and when you don’t know a person’s friends, family, workplace, neighbors or have mutual friends in common, you always run a safety risk. And just because he isn’t pressuring you to have sex now, doesn’t mean he won’t at some time in the future. So hope for the best, but prepare for the worst, and chances are your lot will fall somewhere in between.

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