I want to save my relationship

[vb2007]

Hi all,

I am in my first (and forever) relationship with an amazing girl, almost my age (21). We started out nearly 2 years ago, and it was wonderful for quite sometime. Then slowly, problems started creeping in, and from the past few months, it’s only getting worse. And it’s ALL due to me. I deeply love her, and she loves me equally crazily. Yet, at times, I get mad at certain things she does (she does a few mistakes here and there, but they’re all really minor.) I don’t want her to be perfect with me, I want to give her full freedom with me…. but I really don’t know what happens to me at times. I have lost my temper, and screamed at her and slapped her, even in public. I know it’s just HORRIBLE.
But I really want to overcome this and treat her with all the love in the world.

I have assured her many many times that I am trying hard to improve myself, mainly my temper and lack of patience and understanding. I do really try, but some days later, I am back with that problem. She’s really tired of all this… and she’s stopped talking to me, for sometime. She obviously needs a break. But I really don’t want to lose her. She is my everything. Its so paradoxical. We love each other so much, but when I feel she is not giving me enough attention/importance I go wild. I feel very very sorry for her. In site of my ridiculous behaviour, she stayed with me hoping I will change some day. Now she’s completely lost hopes.

I don’t want to trouble her anymore. If leaving her is the best thing I can do for her, I am ready for that. But I want to try one last time before that, and put in my best to improve and get her back to me. The main problem is I lose temper easily, and that upsets her, and it in turn aggravates the situation. I don’t know what’s happening to me… I act violently with someone who deserves to be worshipped!

Please help me out with your advice. I really need her back. And most importantly, I want to be great with her, and never get upset with her. She is very badly hurt, and I want to really change and heal her heart…

Thanks a lot!!!!
Suhas

[kai]

You seem like a very aware, intelligent and sensitive guy who really loves this woman. Unfortunately, you also (by your own admission) have a violent temper and have hit the woman you love so much. My suggestion would be to get yourself into some type of anger management counseling — one geared towards dealing with domestic violence. Once you’ve taken this step, perhaps you could ask her to attend some of the sessions with you.

I think you need to seek help for yourself as well as for anyone else you may become involved with. If you don’t, you will end up hurting someone with you going to prison.

[ThinkingRight]

You seem to have recognized you have a real problem. Good, although you will continue to repeat this behavior until you get professional help or end up in jail. Look at what trouble you have already caused yourself. It will only get worse. This is crazy behavior, you MUST STOP NOW!! Cowboy up, stop being a little whiner and be a responsible loving caring man. And please get professional help and stay away from this girl before you hurt her and end up in state prison. Take my word for it, state prison is no fun.

[April Masini]

The relationship you had with your girlfriend is over. The reason it ended is because of your temper and because you hit her. Don’t contact her again. It’s done.

Understand that the violence is what lost you the relationship, and unless you find a way to stop acting out by yelling and hitting, you will continue to lose relationships. Any healthy woman will not want to be with you as long as you lose your temper and strike them.

The good news is that you’re aware of this problem and you’re not denying it. I’m glad you recognize this as a serious problem. That’s the first step to curing it.

Make sure you have outlets for your energy. Lots of men get out their aggressions by playing sports, running track, or doing something active with their bodies that makes them sweat, exhausted, and uses up that energy in a positive way. Everybody’s body has a different chemistry, and alleviating your feelings, like anger and rage, by using a punching bag, playing racquetball or one on one pick up basketball are all great ways to take care of yourself — and your relationships. If you find that this is helping, make sure you workout like this regularly. It will keep your relationship with a woman healthier, if when you feel angry you go for a run or hit the gym or go for a big swim rather than taking it out on her.

Understand that life will continue to throw you curve balls — of that you can be sure. There will be many situations where you will not get what you want — whether it’s having a girlfriend do or say what you wanted her to, or a boss at work do or say what you wanted him to, etc. Maturity and wisdom will be yours when you accept the way the world works, and learn to roll with it instead of warring on it.

Be sad that you lost this girl because of your temper, and vow to change yourself, so it never happens like this again.

I think you can do it.

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