I was dishonest about my age. Please help!!!

[okaywat]

I met a wonderful man after years of running into jerks. He’s very mature and successful. Our chemistry upon meeting was so magnetic and continued on with a strong undeniable physical and mental attraction. He bragged about me being a good catch and he always mentioned how intelligent and attractive I was. He also discussed how he never dated anyone that he had such a chemistry with besides me. We were just a man and a woman who found each other, had a ton in common and were crazy about one another. The problem is that I was dishonest about my age. We dated for 3 months before he found out that I was 9 years older than I said I was. He was also dishonest about his age however. He is actually 2 years younger than he said he was. So that actually puts his age at 26 and mine at 39. (I look like I’m 25). I never revealed to him that I knew about his real age. After dating him for a while, age didn’t play a factor for me. After finding out that we were so compatible, I was afraid to reveal my age assuming that he would not want to date me. Now that he found out that I deceived him about my age, he refuses to talk to me. He said that he needs space to think about everything. He said that I hurt and deceived him. It’s been two weeks and I have not spoken to him since. I received one text from him stating that there was a lot going through his head and he needed time to get his thoughts together. It’s been two weeks and I’m scared that I messed up a wonderful relationship. I’m not even sure if he’ll ever speak to me again. I love him and have expressed my deepest feelings on the matter and have explained why I lied about my age. What should I do? What advice do you have for me?

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b] 😮

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:

[u]http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1[/u]

[The_Jester]

Sounds like you’ve done all you can. You apologized after the truth came out. Now the ball is in his court.

Should he choose to move on, just take from this the lesson that honesty is the best choice next time.

[someoneinaustx]

I agree with The_Jester. You need to ask yourself if you really need to be with someone who acts so sanctimonious about your lie, while completely ignoring the fact that HE DID THE EXACT SAME THING!

It sounds to me like he is an “ageist”! Just kidding.

I can tell you that if I were in his position, ignoring my own lie about age, I would be a bit disappointed if I hit it off with you as you described it. In my mind, I would have plotted a potential future with one another which would have had age-related milestones which could not happen with such a large age disparity. Maybe he is a momma’s boy who isn’t prepared to defend you to his parents. Maybe he just isn’t as into you as you are to him and saw this as his “out”. I don’t know the answer and can think of a thousand more possibilities. All I do not is that if he determines that you are more important to him that your age spread, then he will be back.

Let us know how it turns out!

[ptcgurl]

i’m with austintx. i don’t see how he can be so upset about your lie, when he lied about the same thing. and no telling what else he has lied about lol.

i’m curious as to how he found out though…

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Relationship Advice: Q & A Advice Forum with Relationship Expert April Masini.

Here’s the link:
http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[Kuen]

I agree with The_Jester. Lies are like a poisonous gas that will silently kill your relationship.

[swampdonkey]

with the mutual attraction you described, i would be surprised if he has a big issue with your age or your lying about it. if he has gone “distant” on you following a little blow-up over age (considering you look young enough that he initially believed you), i really, really suspect another player in the game. i would not expect a healthy young man to give up access to intimacy without at least the prospect of being with someone else with whom he feels he’d be more compatible. the language he used (“a lot going through my head” and “need some time”) is frequently what we (men AND women) say when we want time to pursue another relationship. i feel terrible for you. i’m 42 and i’ve been on both sides of this in the last few months. but to put this in perspective a little bit, what is really happening IS NOT that you’re losing the love of your life. you’re just in the game bumping your head. i know for sure 🙂 internet dating has it’s pros and cons, but it’s GREAT for “moving on”. believe me: get on a good email romance and this doosh will be the last thing on your mind 🙂 it’s okay…dip your toe in the pool again 😀

[exback4ever]

I don’t know what has happened since you posted this, but if you lied about your age and the guy was not ok with that, then there is not really a lot you can do unless he decides to forgive you and accept things for the way they are. If he really loves you, then age will not matter. So, you could consider this a blessing in disguise as he obviously did not care for you as much as you thought he did.

It was a hard lesson learned. I bet you will not lie about your age like this again in the future, right?

Good luck!

~Jeremy

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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