[relationshipa1]

🙄 I am really a mess and Ill try tp keep this as short as I can in explaining. I met a girl who was struggling with Herion addiction I struggled for 15 years and finally got it together so I understood what she was going through. I only wanted to genuinley help her. She had a boyfriend who she has been off and on with. She has lied to him cheated on him and hurt him alot. He in turn would insist she snort cocaine with him but not want her to do herion(like hello she is a DRUG ADDICT!! she can’t do any drugs) of course she would eventually shoot his coke then go do dope! We connected on a emotional level and were physically attracted to each other. I gave her a ride every day to the methadone clinic and hung out with her so after seeing each other 4-5 times a week for 3-6 hours each time for a month and a half I started to catch feelings. We had kissed a few times and I thought to myself I shouldn’t do this but I couldn’t help it because even shough she was in an active addiction state she also helped me more then anyone ever has. I was still low on myself and she made me realize that not only was I attractive but that I did have something to offer someone now that I was doing the right things in my life. She changed my outlook on myself a full 360 degrees. We of course slept togeher and the boyfriend by this point had kicked her out brought her back kicked her out then slept with her friend ( or get high girlfriend!) then he would call her get her back and he tried keeping her locked in the house checked her phone messages and basically became very obsessed and jealous and then proceeded to degrade her and make her feel even worse and more guilty about what she had done. I never judged her never degraded her and dropped everything to help her or be there for her every time she called. I wanted to show her she was worth something and that life is awesome. We have everything in common while they have nothing in common. She has always been 100% honest with me about everything and I knew she was falling in love with me. I was already in love with her. She got arrested 2 weeks ago and she went to jail detoxing off herion and methadone and was horribly sick. He came to see her and has made her feel guilty beyond a resonable amount. He will never understand that drug addicts don’t mean to hurt those around them they just are caught in a vicious lifestyle that makes them selfish and uncaring. She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me but feels so guilty about what she did that she feels she should be with her boyfriend because he deserves to be with her when she is straight. She doesn’t see that he manipulates her emotions and puts the guilt and shame on her to use it to his advantage. I know he is also sick but I am sick of him hurting her I told him if he wants to be in a relationship with an addict he needs to accept that this will likely happen again. She is so twisted and so confused I told her I was in love with her which was a selfish thing to do on my part. She doesnt need any of this confusion or stress but I know what is good for her and he isn’t. She trusts me with her emotions and can’t even talk to her botfriend about the things we talk about. I want to help her and I will. She has told him that there is no way she will risk losing me in her life no matter what even if we are just friends. She has no one to lean on but me and now I am trying to remove my emotional love for her and be a freind who loves her. She has become my best friend. I can talk to her about anything. I know we are perfect for each other and that if she was clean we would have the most incredible relationship but she is still holding on to all her guilt and letting him make her believe she should be with him. Needless to say he HATES me and wants her to write me off, she wont and it kills him. I know he has to hear about me knowing I slept with his girlfriend and he knows I’m in love with her. I want to be with her but I know what she needs is a true friend and I’ve come to grips with that and promised her I would [b][i]never [/i][/b]leave her or not be there for her she has no one who understands her but me. It hurts me so bad to see her hurting and I’m so scared she will die soon if she continues. Her self esteem is ZERO and he just makes her feel worse.It is a very dysfunctional and codependent relationship that will help destroy her. I can’t make her stop getting high I know this so I am just showing her I love her and care about her by being there for her even while she is away. I put money on her books ( so does HE) I send her books and I make legal phone calls for her ( he says he don’t have time! (jerk) ) and I make sure I pay so she can call me daily. She is really struggling and I am so caught in between emotionally. I know she wont be with him in the end and he will hurt her again but I cant do anything about it. What should I do? should I continue to be there for her as a friend and help take care of her even though her boyfriend is giving her hell about it? I think i’m doing the right thing because I understand how hard it is to get cet clean. I will have meetings set up for her and will get her to the clinic everyday when she is released. She has asked me not to forget about her and to be there when she gets out. Am I doing the right thing?

[April Masini]

Your friend is very, very sick, and may die. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but you need to understand reality. There are very few old heroin addicts because if they don’t clean up, they die. The drug is extremely dangerous, and your friend is on a difficult path that you can’t help her with. In fact, the best thing you can do for her is to tell her that you will see her when she’s been clean for a year.

My advice to you, and I know that this is going to be hard advice for you to hear or follow, is to take care of yourself. Drug addiction is extremely difficult, and the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Don’t hang out with anyone who is using. Take yourself out of this drama. No good will come of it.

Your friend is an adult, and ultimately, has to take responsibility for herself. Anyone who supports her doing anything except being in a rehab center, is enabling her. She may or may not be capable of getting clean, but there is nothing you can do about it. The choice is ultimately hers.

You stay clean. You live a healthy life. And you stop enabling people you can’t help. If you follow this advice, and I know it’s hard, you will find love and you will live a healthy life.

Good luck.

[wacki 0335]

April is right again, oh course. It amazes me how many different topics she has knowledge/wisdom about!!

I will tell you a very brief story. Eight years ago I dated and got engaged to a drug addict. I didn’t know until I was deeply involved and madly in love that he had a serious drug problem. I thought that a good person could not walk away and desert a person with such a serious problem. I felt that he would be fine and I had to try to help him. I also believed that a few months in rehab and all would be fine. Not so. His family and friends turned their back on him (well not really, just refused to enable him anymore). I couldn’t leave him alone to surely die from an overdose, suicuide, or killed in a drug deal gone bad. I truely believe I was helping him. Well, four years ago he died regardless of everything I tried to do. At first I thought I failed to save him. It took me a long time to realize I never had the ability to save him. Only he had that power. As much as I loved him and still love him today, if I could go back I would have to walk away from that situation because it devastated me to my core. I didn’t help him at all. I will never fool myself into thinking I can save anyone besides myself.

Your own sorbriety could be in jeoparty. Sad, but true, you can’t help her. It may ultimately destroy you!!! Be strong for both of you and walk away so that she can get herself together, if that is possible. As soon as she is release she will probably use again because she got arrested and didn’t make a conscious decision to stop. Walk away, you can’t help her as much as you want to and as hard as it will be to leave her. It is truely the only thing you can do. The rest is up to her.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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