[relationshipa1]

oooh man did i really get myself into something this time. I’m crazy about my best friends brother…and he feels the same way about me. There is a problem tho…she doesn’t like the idea of me and her brother being together. He brings a stunning happiness to my life, but she is everything to me. i don’t know what i am suppose to do. Me and her brother are a perfect/ compatible match for eachother but i can’t afford to ever lose her. What am i going to do April?? please help me.
– sunshine 😕

[April Masini]

For now, you’re going to have to choose between your best friend or her brother. If you do choose her brother, hopefully, with time, your best friend will understand that while your relationship with each other may change, so does life, and that all three of you have the goods to weather any transition you come across. If you choose your best friend, her brother may realize what a valuable commodity you are because you are so loyal, and this may make him want you even more, and be willing to wait for the day when his sister is in a different and/or better place, emotionally, to be okay with the two of you dating.

For now, however, you have to weigh the length of time you’ve been best friends with your gal pal, and the fact that while you may think you’re “in love” with her brother, it’s probably just a crush since the two of you haven’t dated. I’m not sure how old you are, and that would be interesting to know because if your best friend and her brother still live at home and you’re all high school students, it’s a different situation than if you’re all in your 30s and have your own apartments and more separate lives.

[Anonymous]

fortunetly, we all live on our own. He owns his own house and is 22 years old. She lives down south in Carbondale where she attends school (she is 21), and i have my own apartment in the city where i attend school as well (i’m 21). This “crush” or “puppy love” has been going on for about three years between me and her brother. I always tried my hardest to ignore it but lately we have been seeing eachother 3-4 times a week. Hopefully, she wil understand and tonight her and I are going to have a long talk. Hopefully all works out for the better! thanks for your help! 😀

[April Masini]

Thank you for clarifying the situation with your ages! 🙂 Since you are all legal adults and live on your own in different places, it seems like the relationship between you and your best friend’s brother is one you both want to explore and should explore. Since your best friend and her brother have their own homes in different parts of town, it’s not like you’re going to be rubbing her face in the new relationship or running into her every time you go to visit him. While you’re all “related” in different ways, you all have our own separate lives, too. That will make dating him easier on all three of you.

Your best friend is probably feeling jealous that she is going to lose you to her brother. While her feelings are understandable, she needs to muster up some maturity and understand that the relationship between her brother and yourself is natural and normal, and that all relationships require adjustments as time goes on. For example, sometimes women marry men that their best friends don’t get along with, and the relationships require adjustments. Sometimes family members don’t like someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend and similar adjustments are required.

My advice is to allow the relationship between yourself and this guy develop and to not spend too much time discussing it with your best friend. I know that’s a tough one because it’s natural to discuss new relationships and dates with your best friend, but you have to respect your best friend’s feelings about this and try to nourish the friendship you already have by talking about things other than her brother who’s going to be your boyfriend.

You can do it. Just be conscious and respectful of everyone involved and don’t lie, but don’t feel the need to spill your guts about every detail of this relationship to your best friend.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

[Anonymous]

wow your advice really helps me!! and me and him are wokring on it. 😀 so far so good and i’m going to stick with what you say. because it is soo true that we all just need to adjust to the situation. thanks again!

[April Masini]

So glad I was able to help you! Good luck!! 😀

[Author]

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