[relationshipa1]

I’m not sure how to make this short but I will do my best. We are both 27 years old. Last week my husband told me that we fight to much and he has fallen out of love with me. (we have been married 4 years, and have 2 kids together) Of course I panicked and did the worst thing I could which is beg him to stay, which only seemed to make him angry. He never actually left, but he was sleeping on the couch, wouldn’t touch me, barely spoke to me, and just was verbally mean.

2 days later I found out my dad has cancer, at which point my husband agreed to try and make things work, we even managed to have 1 counseling session together. He sleeps next to me again, and has been intimate but it is still different. He insists he does want us to make it, but he still doesn’t feel “in love” and can’t tell me he won’t actually leave but doesn’t want to. (why would he, he has everything here)

I then discovered that he’s been talking to a girl he met at work for about a month (that i know of now). Usually via text but a few times on the phone. I saw this because his cell phone is in my name so I can see when he sends and gets texts, sometimes until 3am. When I confronted him he did admit its a girl, and he was hiding her under a boys name in his phone because he knew if I found out I would get jealous. (yes I can be the jealous type). But now that i know about it, and he has seen how much it bothers me has hasn’t stopped. He insists she is just a good friend who he has alot in common with but the timing of this is horrible (he insists though that his wanting to leave and this girl are not related). I have told him that I am making all the changes he has asked me to make for our marriage, and the ONLY thing I have asked him is to not talk to this person so much. He keeps asking me to trust him but I am sturggling so much with this. Everytime he’s at work, or out, I keep thinking they are talking (and sometimes they are). He has never let me see what they say, he erases the actual messages.

Can a married man really have this type of relationship with another girl and have it be “just friends” when he does admit he finds her physically attractive and they have alot in common. Supposedly she is also in a relationship. I keep telling myself to just ignore it but I find myself constantly looking online at our phone bill to see how often they are talking. I am trying to save my marriage but i’m always sad because i can see them talking and my acting sad upsets him as my emotions were one of the reasons he said he fell out of love with m e in the first place.

He promises he wants to make it work, he can’t promise it will, but so far i’m the only one making changes. And now with this bump in the road i’m sooo confused and just torn.

Please help!

[April Masini]

This other woman is definitely more than a friend to your husband, and a justified threat to your marriage. Your husband absolutely has one foot out the door, and he isn’t going to give you the reassurance and security you need. For now, he’s biding his time until either your father gets better, gets worse, or something changes in your marriage for better or for worse.

The only thing here you can do something about is your own behavior in the marriage. If you want your husband back, you’re going to have to fight for him, compete with this other woman, and win him over. If you put him on the defense, spark any fight or show him any of the signs in the marriage he dislikes, you’re going to give him reason to leave.

So, my advice is to try and turn this around by being the woman who can win him over. Dial up your best self in every way, and go to war to win your man back. If you lose, then you will have lost a good battle. If you win, then I hope you will feel the win was worth it.

I hope that helps. 🙂

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